Today I want to #BellLetsTalk about my journey with mental health & illnesses.
Back in October of last year I was diagnosed with PTSD, General Anxiety Disorder, & Agoraphobia. I was scared and disoriented after the fact, I had gone to go test for ADHD & had left a little more than shaken up.
It took a long time to process this news as I had grown up with the most supportive parents and family ever, had an immense amount of privilege living in the Silicon Valley and just having the background that I was born into. I had a really hard time justifying my illnesses to myself, saying that “other people have it so much worse than you” and “they are more deserving of care and support than you are”, let alone being able to communicate my struggles to those who were so ready to love and support me.
All throughout high school I struggled with my mental health and convincing myself that I had it all together, dancing over 20 hours a week, being a part of student government, committing myself to as much as I possibly could so I wouldn’t have to take the time for myself and reflect on myself because it was scary. I was praised through all of this by hearing that I was a “go-getter” and “had an immense amount of drive”, giving myself that reassurance to just keep going. I was great at hiding my turmoil because of my dance background, the idea of putting on a face and giving a performance was not a new concept to my brain. After two years of stretching myself as thin as possible, my health hit a rock. I started seeing my school therapist in grade 11 and did almost weekly throughout the remainder of high school. The next point where it dipped was after my surgery in the April of senior year. After spending all of my days at school, then dance, then anything else that captured my time; I was suddenly left with all of my time laying in a bed and doing a whole lot of nothing. I had to come to terms with myself and the state that my body was in, that was a whole lot of unexpected physical and emotional healing I had to go through. That was part of the reason I hurled myself back into school (in my really cool new set of wheels) - continued in comments
2017-12-29 17:43
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2017-12-19 05:24
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sharks may have lost but I won because your girl is DONE WITH FINALS #sharksterritory
