start living

Posted on August 21, 2018August 23, 2018 by purlpadrones

26 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Me

1D0D473C-D260-4D9A-9120-C905E23CA900

I’m officially 26 today!

To celebrate, here’s 26 super random facts about myself. I’m sure you probably see me on social media posting and sharing, but I thought I’d give you a little bit more of an insight into the real me. Let’s get started, shall we?

I’m a huge introvert. I enjoy my own company too much, I will fully be content in spending the day by myself watching YouTube videos, reading or Instagramming.
My Myers-Briggs Personality type is INFJ.
Photography is one of my biggest passion, it changed my life. I’d always loved art, and photography gave me the power to express myself.
The top iconic place to see on my bucket list —> Fairmont Le Château Frontenac in Quebec. (Go ahead, google it.😊)
I am an OCD trip planner. When I go on a vacation, I plan every single details from itineraries, instagramable spots or cafes down to my ootd’s. (And yes, I always pack up props for shoot.😂)
My dog is named Blubeary.
I can’t ride a bike. (Balance is not my forte)
I took up Bachelor of Special Education major in Teaching Children with Intellectual Disabilities. I also went to graduate school and have plans on taking another post graduate degree.
My all time favorite movie is Serendipity. 🍿
I am a procrastinator. I’m awesome at waiting until the last moment.
I love long bus rides and road trips in general.
I’m allergic to seafood.
I check my email many times throughout the day. (Yeah, I am an obsessive email checker)
My favorite flavor of icecream is Pistachio.
I don’t have any tattoos but I haven’t ruled it out.
I detest fresh basil in my food.
I fainted once at a busy Bangkok street (due to gastric problem). Luckily I’m with my best friend that time.
I dip my fries to my icecream sundae.
My dream business is a Library Café.
Someday I want to write and publish a book.
I love to make lists! To do lists, itineraries, grocery list — you name it.
Christmas is my favorite Holiday. Aside from presents, endless shopping, bright lights and colorful decorations, it is during this time that people are happier, kinder and more loving.
My favorite part of the day is dusk time when the sun sets and darkness creeps over the horizon. (Twilight feels)
My biggest pet peeve is when people clink their teeth on forks when they take a bite of food.
So far this month, I’ve only cried at happy things and no sad tears at all.
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. You don’t have control of everything that happens to you, but what you have control over is how you react in every situation.

And that’s it!

I seriously can’t believe I’m 26, I feel like I just turned 25 yesterday. It’s truly amazing how one can grow and change and learn so much in such a short amount of time. Celebrating all of it today! 🎉

And that was the thing about her,

she kept on surviving.

with bullet holes in her lungs, and knife marks etched into her back.

she never let anything get in her way.

resilient.

a fighter,

not by choice,

but a warrior at heart.

Posted on December 23, 2017September 26, 2018 by purlpadrones

Midnight Thoughts on Quarter Life Crisis

Sometimes being human is hardwork.

It feels like the days are just passing by kinda randomly without any cohesion or plan to it. The past months have been difficult – waking up everyday is a struggle. I literally drag myself out of bed, fighting against the little voice in my head that was telling me to climb back into the warm safety of the bed covers.

It happens when I stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about myself that I didn’t know and may or may not like. It is the feeling of tiredness that creeps in even if I haven’t done anything all day long. It is the desire to sleep all the time, to stubbornly stay on bed, and be continually lost in dreams that never makes sense. It is waking up every 2am with my thoughts all jumbled up. It is wanting to be anywhere but here. It is feeling a deep hollowed numbness at the center of my being paired with countless breakdowns that greatly reduces my productivity and self-esteem.

I start realizing that people are selfish, and that, maybe, those friends that I thought I was so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people I have ever met and the people I have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. Maybe they are realizing that too and are not really cold or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as I am.

I start feeling insecure and wonder where I would be in a year or two, but then got scared because I barely even know where I am right now. I am completely and utterly lost. I am questioning myself so much. I am questioning what I want to do or did I just wasted all those years going in the wrong direction. Unsure of what I want, what I am good at, or what I could do instead, I feel like I am standing at a crossroads with a hundred possible options and no map.

God is lining things up for me. He always has been and always will.

I want to believe that God is lining things up for me. That He always has been and always will. But this is the most difficult transition of my life, struggling to cope with anxieties about jobs, unemployment, studies, relationships, disappointments, loneliness and rejections — that eventually lead to my primary understanding of the world and beliefs being challenged.

You see we had this imaginary life planned in our head when we were 16, and for some reasons we just can’t let it go when 26 rolls around. We designate time for almost everything in our life, like get married in our 20’s, get a job that make others feel comfortable about what they perceive as our success right after college, justify our education by demonstrating its financial rewards, or maintain an impeccable credit score at a certain time of our life, basically too much that we almost did anything just because other people thinks it’s best.

I’m desperate to hold onto the youth I feel slipping through my fingers, yet I want nothing more than the fabled stability adulthood brings and make commitments and try to mature. It’s really hard to make a smooth transition to a ‘real’ adult when the world keeps telling and treating you that you’re not one. I know that I’m in the midst of the so called quarter-life crisis. Bearing all the hallmarks of the midlife crisis, this phenomenon – characterized by insecurities, loneliness and depression is hitting me up and I feel trapped in this ‘pretend adulthood’. It is supposed to be the time of opportunity and adventure, before mortages and marriage has taken their toll.

And suddenly you just know It’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.

Miserable. Confused. Lost. Lack of meaning in my life. All these symptoms, and many others, of course, make me want a rebirth. To start again with a fresh beginning, unencumbered by mistakes and regrets from the past. To leave the old behind and embrace the new. To ignite a new spark that will light up a new life, with a deeper meaning, broader experience, and much more fulfillment than I have so far. To always find beauty in chaos and magic in the mundane.

And so I think it’s time to wipe the slate clean and with an unwavering goal to do it. It will be difficult, I know. I have to focus on myself so that I can be the best version of me in order to be able to take care of everyone around me. And that I have to remind my dear self that this is happening because it gives me an opportunity for transformation.

The sun will rise, and I will try again.

Poor girl, please don’t be ashamed of the way you are. You’re not the only one. People who’ve had their guts ripped out by life, a time or two, are different. Like you. You talked differently. You sound differently. You look differently, but only noticeable to those who can look you in the eyes. That’s where it hides. I say poor girl, but I don’t mean to degrade you. I’ve been there too. Our lips don’t know the taste of silver spoon, and we lived through love that’s departed too soon. We lose sleep, we are afraid, we are too much of too many things, and aware enough to know what we’re missing. I see you. And I can feel all your rough edges. You will live to see man-made horrors beyond your comprehension. Your layers peeled back only for a few you trust. Show me those damned scars. Show me who you really are. Tell me your horror stories, the times you’ve died, the times you survived. Because when I look into those eyes, do you know what I see? I see someone who looks like me. Someone who is proud of their pain, and loves like it just might set us free. So Start Living.