Between us Then, Between us Now

What are a few good things about the break ups? Freedom, for those who seek that. Better revised personality, in half of the cases and my personal favourite one would be ‘the closure’.

That’s one thing which every break up needs to have. At least one person in every couple is waiting for a closure. Some are aware of this, some are not.

“I have already judged you. As a person and as a partner. And that is never going to change now. I have got something that I never got from you; after you with someone else. And now I cannot step down back to you after knowing what that level of happiness feels like.”

A sentence which for that moment shook me bad. A lump of coldest vibe travelled down my chest. And still, listening to what she had to say after that, I did not let it reflect on my face, at least I would like to think like it did not. 

A sentence could have easily killed my moral, hurt my ego and could have come to me as an offence. Basically every feeling that we hide from the world in the image we portray to be of us on instagram. Surprisingly, that did not happen.

More than 2 and a half year of silence and we had just begun to meet nicely 3 months before she said this to me. I always proudly told everyone that I am always on good terms with all of my Exs…well…almost all of them! Getting back in touch with her was the happiest of all those proud feelings. 

It’s funny how our mind takes us back to the older moments. How flawlessly it is capable of bringing out the older references making you wait for the person to react on them and slightly hope that it will take the other person back to those moments again. Making them think of You like they did then, just for the brief moment.

What we forget in this is, over the time, you and the other person has grown substantially. Grown as a person, developed as an artist and have now raised their bars in expectations. More importantly, they function beneath a filter. 

But our mind tactfully manages to shun all those facts away and lets you make a fool out of yourself. 

This, is one way to look at it. 

The way I looked at it, and what’s making me write this blog, is that, all this either leads to something happening again between you OR you are heading towards the closure. Either it brings back the spark, or triggers it to burn it all down.

What she told me, gave us a complete closure. A final full stop to every possibility and a shift+delete to every stimulating nostalgia that cannot be restored from the recycle bin.

I now believe that every partner who has some anxiety due to the constant uncertainties about any of their past relations (needn’t be a girlfriend-boyfriend relation only), should find a way to give that closure to the other person. Instantly it may not sound like a good idea but it helps in the long run. It may hurt the other person, it might put up a bad impression of you for speaking out the truth but everyone sooner to later realises that it happened for the best.

A small sudden bruise can still fade away but the ever growing cancer cannot.

Not as poetic as it may sound but its similar to giving salvation to the other person or in most of cases, getting one for yourself from the endless cycle of love-hate complications and futile possibilities of whether or whether not. 

If someone comes to you and gives you the closure, do not repel away from that person. Instead thank him or her for letting you free.

Yes, it may feel empty in the beginning but that emptiness can be filled with something you can really look forward to. That will again, make you grow as a person, develop as an artist and be the better someone for the next one to come, that too without a filter in your mind.

Coming back to my closure,
between us now is more natural than what it was between us then. Right now I know what I am to her. Without inhibitions and without expectations without the ghosts of past, I now know that we have no future. The best part is - now on, we get to live only in the present.  

The Half Read Books !

Have you ever lost a book? A book which was half read?

It has happened many times with me. Maybe I cannot take care of the books. But then the fact is they attract me. a lot. I like spending time in the book store, only looking at so many books - novels, fiction, non-fiction, comics, crime, fantasy, historical…all genres attract me.  There are a few books which I ordered online or bought from the store; but never opened them. It just feels good that this or that book is there in my bookshelf.

I have a fickle mind; I lose the grip of something after a while. And that naturally resulted in losing the grip of the plot in the book that I was reading. Not one but many. The reasons are different every other time. Sometimes, I get stuck with the words I don’t know, sometimes, I find some work and get too occupied in it for months and the book is left. Sometimes, the book keeps traveling with me in the back pack which was read only during the beginning of the journey before I made some friends in the trip, or sometimes, I just lose the book somewhere.

A few times I remember that I made a list of all half read books and I decided to complete that list before I purchase any other book. But then…I lost that list after a while.

I started reading when I was 16, to dodge the SSC study time, reading anything other than text-books was of utmost interest. Now I am 25. During this course of time I have had more than 15 half read books in the list I made a year ago.

Slowly I know why!

There is this book called “Illusions” by Richard Bach. I brought it home without asking my uncle from his book shelf when I was 18 or 19. I started reading that book. There was this thing in that book which stayed with me even after I lost that book after reading 60 something pages of that book. The book spoke about the ‘book of messiah’ – a book that messiah refers to as his guide during his services as a messiah.  So the protagonist asks the messiah, ‘how do you know on what page is the solution of your problem?’ to which the messiah answers, ‘open any page and what you read is the solution of your problem. Not only in this guide book but you can take any book and randomly open a page and read what’s written in there, you find an answer to your problem.’ This thing stayed with me for a while because I used to relate to this even after the book was long gone.

Feluda by Satyajit Ray
Stories of My Experiments With the Truth by M.K Gandhi
Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
While the Light lasts by Agatha Christie
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khalid Hosseini
Dongri to Dubai by Hussain Zaidi
Immortals of Meluha by Amish
Learning film making shot by shot
Few books on Marketing
And the Illusions are few books that were left incomplete because I had lost them somewhere.

A few months before, I found The Agatha Christie book in my closet. I read three stories and I lost it again. Then I found Meluha in the stock of DVDs box. I started off again from a few pages behind to get back in the zone…and completed it.
Feluda has captivated my mind entirely right now.
And when I was working too much but I was having some second thoughts about the decisions I had to take regarding my career, some crucial work related decisions, where I had lost myself in the dilemma of many possibilities…  I found the half read ‘Illusions’.

Going by the logic of Illusions itself – I opened the page where I had left and started reading. By the end of the book I had my answer with me.

That’s when I realized, that you buy that book for a reason. It has its role to play in your life. The book gets lost because maybe you don’t need it at that time…the practical cause could be something as stupid as you forgetting the book somewhere, or because there in something more important for you to do  at that time than reading that book. But it comes back to you to show you your way. It finds you when you need it the most.

And that’s when I knew that it’s a small circle of destiny. You sometimes feel incomplete about some things in life. Many uncertainties and incomplete tracks of events keep our emotions and minds hanging. That’s when the half read book finds you to give you one moment of completion.

Because when you complete a reading a book, you get a closure in some part of your mind.
So never feel bad for a half read novel that you lost – it will find you when you need a closure. 

Maharashtrian, 25, Film-maker.

            

Very few will understand what an unfortunate triangle these three dots in the title can make. 

     To begin with there is nothing wrong in being a Maharashtrian today, when the Marathi regional cinema is in it’s own New Wave revolution.  There is nothing wrong in being 25 either (honestly I have no option there). And there is nothing wrong in being a film-maker as well. However, right now these three things complied together in my life is sort of not forming a very good tri-angle to be in.

     Film-maker may sound fancy here, but it is definitely not. Not when you are 25. 

It’s a very odd age to be in this field.

You are usually a couple of big films old (assisted or been a part of it someway). Your position as an assistant director is not changing. You are doing the same bunch of things for every film-maker you are assisting. You are the punching bag of the whole unit. And you get paid terribly less.
Even after all this the film that you worked horribly hard for, may not even release.

     At this age only a lucky few are able to net a big fish that is ready to put money on you to be an independent director.

I have a pile of project offers ahead of me today but my excitement doesn’t even raise its eye brow, let go hopping in joy. Coz again, I know that all I have to do is make lists, co-ordinate and call the actors out of their vanity vans. Oh yes…along with their tantrums. And all this for peanuts (they too have become expensive, but not when you get paid in them).

     The regional cinema has started making money for itself but not the Assistant directors. They are on the pay roll of 1920s.
And because I don’t have excess money, I am unable to put it in the short-film of my own either. ‘All you need is a camera and a vision’ they say. But I have already been there - Made a few shorts that don’t even go close to the look of the film. With the rising competition and mainstream film makers making short films and Web-series, one need to catch-up with the changing times.

     Everyone around me of my age are now repaying their loans, buying their first vehicle, flying abroad, eating at fancy places and almost getting settled.
And here I am, clueless of what my schedule will be tomorrow. I have no money to go on dates, no money to go on a trip to freshen up my mind, no idea how and what my life is gonna make me go through in next few months. 

The only thing too certain at the age of 25 in a life of film-maker is ‘uncertainty’.  

     Sitting home for months, writing stuff you don’t know who’s gonna buy, which of all of them will ever come to life in the form of cinema or any other art form, which of those will get any exhibition at all and reach up to the audience so that they appreciate or criticize.

I think of watching a film, I feel like making one.
I watch a web-series, I feel that given a good team even I can pull this off.
I watch a short film by mainstream film makers and feel that, they have the people to put in money for them and thus it looks like a feature film.
I think of reading and I could only see the words in the form of frames.
Thinking of doing anything leads to only one thing that is lack of resources to make a desired product or to too many things that you require to make the film when you don’t have too much money.

     I am unable to plan it out coz 99% of times plans do not work. The 1% that works is usually what you prefer the least in the lot. The uncertainty and the failing plans make me really unsure about myself. Many a times I start getting a creepy feeling that I have started losing faith in my concepts and ideas. And then I struggle to get that faith back. I lose my moral. Defense mechanism fuels it more and I start arguing for my limitations with myself. Even my girlfriend has answers to everything under the sun and I am clueless about almost everything around me.

However, two things don’t die - The Passion and the hope.

A passion, to still go through everything and making it big one day. And a hope, that this too will pass.

     I treat this phase of life as the 25th to 39^th over stretch in a one day cricket innings. How much ever boring and slaggy it gets, you need to go through it to live the fun that’s going to come.

And then sometimes the best films in my list and their dialogues keep me inspired. 

“Above all: don’t lose hope.” – Life Of Pi

“Hope is a good thing to have, maybe the best of things and good things never die.” – The Shawshank Redemption.

“The genius thing that we did was, we didn’t give up” – Well that’s not from any film but I like it any way. Read it as a text quote in TVF Pitchers.

And then I feel that being 25 is not that bad after all. At least it sounds good.

The Good Change (Pun Intended)

     As a layman, who doesn’t understand anything about Politics, business and ‘big time conspiracies’ as much as a wide-spread Indian Cinema audience doesn’t understand cinema, I was totally blown and equally confused when the ban on currency notes of Rs.500 & Rs.1000 was announced by Indian Govt. 

I am so layman and lazy to keep myself updated about current affairs (even the film industry gossips) that it was a friend of mine who called me up to ask my parents (both of them being the bank managers) if they would exchange notes the next day. That’s when I knew that this rule has been passed w.e.f midnight.

     I am not an analyst, nor am I any business guru or finance advisor. However, just as a person who doesn’t even earn Rs.8000 a month at the age of 24, here are the few things that crossed my mind and happened around me which I would want to stay with me as an archived memory. Thoughts, jokes, observations, opinions, and food for thought – the following paragraphs will include the mixture of everything. All what I felt, thought, saw and experienced on 8^th, 9^th and 10^th of November 2016.

   1.     PANIC –

As soon as more and more people got to know about this there was a wave of panic. Banks remained closed the next day being the prime reason for it. I mean, even I realized that the currency notes that I had collected only for the number on that currency Note ended with 777 or 786 were of no use now. Suddenly I realized that even I had some money to worry about – ironically in that wave of panic I had a moment of Euphoria with myself.

   2.     Viral –

When I was in primary school, there wasn’t a fancy word Viral used that often. That time we called it ‘fever’. But then the viral is not only a disease related term today. The speed of this news spreading was faster than light. Calling it ‘Viral’ would be an understatement. The power of social media was being exploited to the fullest. Within an hour almost everyone knew about it.  

   3.     Confusion –

Confusion was the result of eagerness to spread the news too soon to too many people. Without knowing the whole thought behind it or without understanding the procedures that govt. is planning to tag along the decision, the single sentence links were forwarded to every contact and thus half the information kept people clueless and with no answers to every question that kept piling up in their heads. My confusion was – the 786 numbered notes that I have, how do I set my preferences – Worth wise OR Value wise? Hmm…

   4.     Status updates –

Apart from the viral jokes to which I’ll come very soon, it was observed that almost 37% of the people in my facebook friend-list have quite a sense of humour. I mean wow…every one of them had some kind humourous, sarcastic, satirical, brutal, racist, leftist, secular, diplomatic and communist and other genres of things to say and put it as status update or tweets to post. Only if our minds worked this fast during the exams.

   5.     Jokes –

Oh My Godddd !!! I think, a total number of Rs.100 notes that was existing in the pockets of people on the 8t of Nov. was equivalent to number of people who took it as their moral responsibility towards the betterment of the nation and usage of whatapp to create and spread JOKES on this topic.
I want to know who are those illustrators and graphics guys who edited toilet paper roll made of 500 & 1000 Notes.
Who are these people who edit all other humour images and sent it to all of us before the rule was even effective after the announcement?
Don’t they have any deadlines to chase, or work to submit or any damn work at all?
My one short –film is edited and waiting for its Motion-graphics…please help me out here. I would at least be able to bring that film out.

   6.     Less Producers –

When I was convinced that this is to flush out the black money; My prime concern was – How will I find the producers for my films now?
You see 85% of cinema is made because people don’t know what to do with the money they had fun bringing home at one time but understood that they cannot really spend it the way they imagined.
The whole film fraternity is fucked up as of now.
With the fear of being bashed right on the phone, I didn’t even dare to call the head of the company who was going to produce my next short film.
On the other side, customers are offering Bank Managers bribe to let them deposit and withdraw more cash than the govt. set limit. 25-30% bribe on the amount above that limit. Only if my parents were a little evil, we would have become the producers by New Year.

   7.     Break ups –

Girls, women who bank their day-to-day lifestyle only on their good looks coz they know that they have guys whose dads have stashed enough, are more than eager to spend money on them.  How many relationships are still going to work when that breed is going to understand that bon-fire at their boyfriends’ farmhouse is made up of notes that they had eyed on. Again…Hmm….  

   8.     WhatsApp group quarrels –

A few words more and a person whom I had met just once would have come down to my place to fight because of the intensity of the quarrels kept rising on WhatsApp groups over the consequences and results of growing insecurity (about financial future) with every message. Ideally that group was created for a GOA trip.

   9.     Cash issues excuses –

The next day was a mirror - A Mirror that showed us how rich we are and at the same time how Poor can govt. make us only with its one decision. A few people could find a good escape from their commitment or work by giving a worldclass and unquestionable brand new excuse – I only have 500/1000 rupees notes. That’s the brilliance we have. A national problem of that day is an escape plan for millions.

  10.     Plastic money importance –

Suddenly the debit and credit cards seemed so damn cute and attractive. I could see everyone becoming very protective about them. Such a Love!

  

  11.    Trump president –

The Big Bang was when the Trumpets blew. I mean…the Trump-pets blew their horns for the victory of Donald Trump being elected as the President of the arguably world’s most powerful country. Everything from point 1 to point 9 happened again. Some extremely talented persons could also involve point 10 in this news. True Story.

  12.     Fake news –

True Story. The fake news of true stories started to spread more. 50% of people believed one thing and the rest of them had already put their faith in another.
Right from “Rs.1000 notes will be back” to “it will all stop in 2 days”. Someone also sent me the list of black-money owners from Swiss bank. Intense right!

And the bloggers like me started putting up News articles and posts like “10 things you should know” for both the news.

  13.     Modi the new mafia –

The word Mafia always attracted me, but it always saddened me that it was used for people who are harming the harmony and peace of the world. For the first time The Hero is the new Mafia for the real Mafia. The bold step to eradicate black money has screwed the cases of many Mafia Lords when they have started realizing that there is only a slimmest chance of getting a very tiny portion of their black money turned white. Either they will have to burn the rest of it, or surrender and pay the enormous fine.

  14.   Small pinch on the timeline of betterment –

Customers in banks are creating havoc and over-reacting to this.  However, many are not looking at the bigger picture here. This bold step by Indian Govt. is going to take us many miles way ahead than what we imagined. This one bullet is going to injure corruption, fake currency notes, mafia, underworld, Pakistan, China and many other stuff that analytics will explain on news channels  :P. The inconvenience to the citizens is just going to be a part of us for mere 4-5 days. If we see it from the top, on the “timeline of betterment” these 5 days of inconvenience are just a tiny dot at the beginning.

  15.    Support –

I am in complete support of this step taken for the betterment of nation. This needed to be done. Someday I hope to see a much Finer and developed India where in a description in my blog post - “the world’s most powerful Nation” would be addressed to INDIA.

 Jai Hind!

MaMi 2016

      Mumbai Academy of Moving Images (MAMI) hosts an international film festival in Mumbai, which is also known as Mumbai Film Festival. As it is the moods of festivals are taken very seriously in India...the word FILM adds a different glamour to it. However, it's a good chance for many aspiring and practicing film makers like myself to get to know the films that are made in many other countries which do not get a wide release in Indian markets. Interactions happen and also out of 10s of hundreds of entries a few are narrowed down that make it to the screening.
     This post is about my some small experiences at - Jio MAMI 2016.

     Its always a huge confusion to chose from 100-150 films that come in your hand in the form of schedule and movie catalogue. Most of the names seem Gibrish and the struggle to search the name of your favourite film makers begin. In the similar wave of confusion and enthusiasm, with some confusing booking process this year, I decided to go ahead with selective four films for day one. The online bookings displayed house-full shows for each of the films that I wanted to see. Same was the case with Ashutosh who too was going to attend the festival. I was almost going to lay back and put on the Malyalam film - "Ustaad Hotel" on my computer when Ashutosh called and told me that he is reaching the venue in next 15 mins. That was the motivation for me to get ready and go almost 30kms away from my house to stand in the queue of the shows that we couldn't book.

     Terrible and Horrifying films made our day 1. Bizarre and unnecessary stories. One of the three at least became a little interesting just before the climax but they took too much of time to reach to that interesting point giving away nothing at all.
I had been trying to chase an actor called Alok Rajwade since a few weeks to narrate him a script. Alok was right around and I just had to pretend that he means nothing to me. I had to en-cash this opportunity. A few strings were pulled and next day I saw a film called The Little Prince - It was a big sigh of relief from the previous day's trauma. This one was superb, refreshing and hopeful. Just the feeling I wanted to carry with me when I meet Alok to get his appointment for narration. After the screening of Alok's film "Kasav", I approached him and he was ready to listen to the narration. "Let's meet after 15-20 mins from now, and in case we don't see each other around after 20 mins, lets call each other."
For the first time things moved so quickly. Otherwise it is a slow process where makers need to run behind the artists to get themselves a couple of hours from them.
     The story was narrated in a heavily crowded McDonalds outlet. (Now I really worry that my script will be shot by someone else coz there were many random people who have heard my story). Result was unfortunately negative. He was too busy to give me dates that I was hoping for.
     Evening was spent with some family friends in the Irish House. Yelling, shouting, singing, laughing hard and eating pastas and other weight gaining food which was way beyond our budgets. However, that was the happy moment number two. First one was - meeting someone out of reach. It was important for me. It was important for me to get him interested for a narration. At least reaching up to him and convincing him to consider me to be worthy enough to meet me and hear my story. That was my tiny moment of achievement.
    Next day was the day of mix films. Four films seen by Me, Ashu and a friend of his. My Life as a Zucchini was the highlight of the day. another good part of that day was between two films I and Ashu got to catch up. Talk about what and how things are with our lives. Discussions and advice session.
    Which proved to be my last day at MaMi 2016 was the best one. Rajwade & Sons, a marathi film which I had revengefully not seen when it was released same time last year coz one of the lead artists of that film was shooting for this film when I wanted him to be a part of my project. However, I loved the film. I met him after a long time and it was a refreshing small talk with him. The next one I saw was Donald Cried, a light comedy film with a simple emotional end. One of the best suspense films Ashu , me and that friend of his, saw together was an Australian film - Hounds Of Love. That film very well explains the meaning of the word "Scary". Whats more interesting is that - It is not a horror film. 
It ended with the premier of a Marathi film  called - Veltilator by Rajesh Mhapuskar. It was the 3rd most fulfilling film of the festival after My Life as a Zucchini & The Little Prince.

     What's there to write about all this? What it has to do with you all. Nothing to be honest. What did Mami give me? A Lot. A lot of happiness, a lot of food for thought, and quite a realisation about many things that have changed in and around me.

- I found Anurag Kashyap walking beside me. Usually I would have forgotten everything and would have kept looking at him in awe. But this time apart from acknowledging his presence around me..there was nothing that moved inside me. He is not my ex-gf, but "mera usse rishta kaafi purana hai". It meant a lot for me to know that I am moving forward.
- Inside story is that, I met Alok for someone else. Alok was never my first choice for the role, but there is someone very special who would have been much happier than me if I had worked with him. For the first time I chased someone for someone else's happiness. Though it did not work, I had a sense of completion because I knew that I tried my best to get there. It is good to do something entirely for someone's else's happiness.
- For the same project the same person for whom I met Alok had suggested me a girl for the role of protagonist. "Why would she even consider?" Is what I had said. Turned out that The same "suggested girl", Ashutosh and myself were the trio who were watching films together throughout the festival. She is great to be with.
- Well, I am yet to be in the top list of film-makers...but right now when I am just a struggler, it is a big deal for me to watch a film with people like Ashutosh Gowarikar, Rajesh Mhapuskar, Nikhil Sane and Rajkumar Hirani sitting just a few feet away from you. 
- I saw a lot of French Cinema.
- It was a realisation point that today I know a lot of people. A lot of people know me. I am not an actor, my face is not seen on screen and thus People cannot make a pictorial memory of who Shoneel is, and yet there were some of them who knew me someway. That's a good feeling to have. 
- The ironical dilemma and fearful question that gave a way after MaMi-16 was, am I getting too comfortable in Marathi film circle? Do I need to bounce out and start a fresh and explore new horizons? Or should I stay in the puddle of this comfort zone for a little while longer? what's right, whats not!

     I still don't have the answer - you can answer it if you want to - But if it was not for MaMi...this question would have taken a lot more time to make it's way inside my head. 
Maa always said it - Everything happens for a reason.
A mere registration enrollment done with an intention of keeping my mind busy and away from the unnecessary thoughts, showed me an unexpected mirror to give a reality check,

    "Life badi kutti cheez hai...khush karte hi aapko aapki jagah dikhati hai!"

Like a Bat in a Trap!

      Without thinking who is interested and who is not, I am writing this post. The opinions and the thoughts are personal and only related to today's context of my life and people around me. Well, more related to people who WERE around me and coping up with the fact that now they are not.

Why to publish it here...well I just got to know today that my blog link is earning me more dollars than my youtube videos. Well, this motivated me to keep the blog live. So here is the first mental block which I am going through and is open for discussion.

      21 is a good age to fall in love. Perhaps for me it was falling in love again. She was simple, she was a homely person and very lovable. Now the dilemma starts from here it self - WAS or she Still Is? Anyway, going ahead... I fell for the girl and she fell for me too. We started dating and we were going strong until my male ego made its place in us. When our careers started changing their paces and when I felt that luck is taking her way ahead than what talent will ever take me. When I started to grow more and more possessive about her. When I started to grow all the more insecure about almost her every movement. All this happened right after she got her fist film as an actress.

     I always knew that I was possessive, It took us a few months to start dating officially as I always said that this wont work coz I become too insecure. She said she was ready to handle me. She did keep her word until it went beyond her patience. Though she loved me, she was a human being and she had her limits to bear. and one fine day she had to let herself be what every being would always want to be - Happy and stress-free!

     On the other hand I never wanted an actress partner. There are few things you naturally hate, and a breed of actresses is what I always hated. But that was my problem. Not hers. She had the opportunities of doing what she loved and she had to take it. There was no 2nd thought to it.
During our fights I always thought that getting away from her is the solution. Maybe if we wont be dating at all, I wont feel insecure about anything anymore. And thus, when it exceeded my limit of living with an actress partner, I ended it.

     Now the problem. Why I never wanted an actress partner. Even after getting away from that person. Her existence never left me. Being an actress she is every where. She is on television, she is on the internet, she is on instagram...not just her account, but the fan made posts and the posts that channel uses to market their daily soap. She is on the transit buses ads, she is on the hoardings and she is everywhere haunting me.
The more I run away from her existence the more her presence comes near me,
And its all the more worse when I know that the real person, who is far more lovable and soulful, hates Me much more than how much she loved me.
So there is no chance of neutralizing the fucked up past.

Even though I am happy for her, I want to be happy for myself too.

     How do I live without being affected is what my search is.  Sometimes I really feel like running away from everything. Running away from this city, from the hoardings and from every link related to her. But ultimately she feeds on media and media feeds on people like her. There is no running away from the media, unless I take Sanyas and start living in Mountains...which is again not practical. 

     The dilemma stays - one time I feel like just tuning to the channel and watching her every video once for all, but the next moment I know that that is going to kill me for I would know that I am looking at a fake person I once really knew well. I am looking at a person who once loved me and now hates me. But then I fear...will that cure this problem?

"When you cannot avoid, enjoy it." - That's exactly what I am unable to do.

I am becoming the bad person because she is famous now. I am becoming the bad person even for myself.

How do I grow up from this ! How far do I run? How to be OK with all this is the answer I am trying to find.

All in all I was right about one thing for myself - I never wanted to date an actress, coz I knew that if that goes out of hands, these were going to be the consequences. 

However, my life and the problems around it continue to stay 'filmy'! That's the only high-point to feel good.

\m/ Udta Punjab \m/

            The controversies were not ready to leave the back of "Udta Punjab". And not just one...one after the other kept coming in from many sides. And fighting like a David against the giant powerful Goliath, Anurag Kashyap, one of the producers of Udta Punjab, made the film get its release from 89 cuts to 1 cut in censorship. And today after watching it, I would still say that it might keep facing the problems coming in. Reason? It's Honest, It's brutally hard-hitting and it shows the nasty face of reality in that state. Abhishek Cahubey's Udta Punjab will keep you shocked or make you go numb. 

            "Udta Punjab" is a fictional story of four main characters and other sub characters revolving around them set in True problematic circumstances of drug affected Punjab. Sartaj (Diljit Dosanjh) and Preet (Kareena Kapoor), are the characters used to show us the racket of suppliers in their journey of getting to the roots of the problem. [UNFORTUNATELY, THE REAL ROOTS THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SHOWN HAD TO BE CUT OUT IF I AM NOT WRONG - THE PAKISTAN REFERENCE]. Tommy Singh (Shahid Kapoor) is a pop-star and a performer. He is a role model for many young boys and girls of the state. His track begins with the Police arresting him under the name of influencing the usage of drugs in the youth of Punjab by singing songs on Drugs and Cocaine. Everything changes for Tommy from there. And then there is a track of a Bihari girl who calls herself by an influenced name at the end of the film (Alia Bhat), who finds 3 kg of Heroin by mistake and hopes for GOOD TIMES to come to her by making money after selling it. The super well written screenplay bring all of these tracks to cross each others' paths in a classic manner to give us an amazingly gripping movie - Udta Punjab.

Before I come to the technicians and artists I want to mention some good things about this film.
 

This film is not just a story of entertainment. It has heavy entertainment value but it speaks a lot more than that. The film proceeds on two levels - 1. what you see & 2. what they have to show. The value and the strength of this cinema will be realised if you see and understand both the levels while watching it.

The political racket - sure the film has a story to tell, it has his own political characters and mentioned posts - but that's what you see - what they had to show was the ugly face of how politics is really involved in the condition of Punjab right now.

The Alia - Shahid scene when they meet for the first time - It is too well-written and presented. Kya situation hai and kya tarah se usse handle kiya hai - Just too good.  It has a lot of humour. But the subtext makes you feel bad. - "Yeh chodd k sab kuch hua hai mere sath" brought tears in my eyes.

When Tommy is in the Jail, that realisation point is well brought in and comes unexpected. The Balli character, the role that withdrawal symptoms play in the film is well put, the transitions of sequences.

The climax is just too good. And so is the End. Yes...End and the End Frame are different in this one. Basically.... It never Ends.

Haters will Hate. Some will call it Documentary, some will say that they have wasted the STARs by making them play highly unconventional roles. To them I say - 

Watch the film that you want to see and let the sensible people see the Cinema the makers have to show. Let them know that the story On-screen is no different that what's happening Off-screen.

 Coz Udta Punjab naa Lallu hai naa Fuddu... par saala Gabru jarur hai !

        Writing is the Hero of this film. Sudip Sharma the one who wrote Story, Screenplay and Dialogues along with the director who had his say in the Story and Screenplay has made up the strong base. It has so many things to say, it has so much of subtext in it. Every scene and every dialogue is aptly written and perfectly placed. It cannot get more easy and yet deeper than this. A little more in depth information would call a war with neighboring nations.

       Rajeev Ravi, The guy who shot most of Anurag Kashyap's films is the eye of this film. The perfect mixture where the film sometimes looks like a fiction and sometime a documentary helps us feel that things are happening for real. It's damn impactful. And to add this impact - Editing and background score have played major roles. Coming back to that later, Every track of the character has a slightly different camera and lighting treatment according to the story of each one of it. Rajeev Ravi transits your mind subconsciously from one track to another.

       Coming to the editing, the director and editor together have conceived superb transitions from one story to another. The connections that are shown are the signs of mature direction and thorough knowledge of editing the director and the writers have. Meghna Sen had to CUT the pissing shot, must have pissed her off for sure.

      
       Amit Trivedi's Music is very very good. It is perfectly complementing the genre and the attitude in which the film progresses. They are shot so well that you get too engrossed in the picturisation and the songs sub-consciously creating the impact within you. And equally good is the background score by Naren Chandavarkar and Benedict Taylore. The contrast score against the angry and scornful sequences make you quiet and speechless. It makes you eager wherever required and makes you stunned feeling helpless at times.

       Production Design is the key element in giving us the feel of everything being shot at real places and as if some real sting operation is going on at times. The director's treatment of giving too much of visual information in one shot required the set-up to be a step ahead of his thinking.

       Coming to the performances - This film is one of the best examples of perfect Casting. You cannot imagine anyone other than Shahid Kapoor in the place of Tommy Singh. Somehwere Ranbir might have done it but the feel would have been completely different. Shahid is rising above his capacity every time. Kareena Kapoor looks gorgeous as always. She has a very simple role. Her simplicity took me back to her role in Yuva. Damn cute.
In the Shaandaar review I had said that Alia Looks so cute that I feel like packing her and taking her home. But here the cutest actress in B-Town has shut all the mouths by giving us a grungy and gasping performance. She is made look normal and she doesn't look CUTE one bit. She is the character that she is supposed to play. Respect for Alia. Diljit is Punjabi Films' superstar as it is, but bollywood will surely welcome him after this composed and expressive role pulled off by him.
 

Apart from these stars there are others who shine and glitter more than the biggies - Satish Kaushik's presence is too strong, he makes himself feel even while we have Shahid in the frame space.
 Prabhjyot Singh as Balli is very much a Kashyap character. His entry and his over-all presence in the film make us feel bad for Punjab's young blood.
Harpreet Singh has a strong role.

       Abhishek Chaubey had impressed me right from the time I knew that he is Vishal Bhardwaj's associate director. If Vishal ji is his film school then Abhishek sure has come out as the best student. Taking wise Udta Punjab is weaker than his last film "Dedh Ishqiya" - That one being unconventionally conventional.
Udta Punjab is content wise stronger and stronger on all other stages being a completely unconventional cinema. He has grown as a director pretty much and here there is no involvement of Vishal Bhardwaj what so ever in this film. Abhishek has treated this film in the best possible manner and the efforts will surely pay off.

Udta Punjab is going to make it to the list of my favourites for sure. And will stay with me for a long long time.

Verdict : 9.5/10

**Kyuke ache ache kaam ko nazar na lage!