Scouts Trust

My name is Bec Ellis and in October 2018 my fiancé Troy and I found out that we were going to be parents again. We already have two older children and we had mixed feelings about how a new baby would fit into our family. As the weeks passed our mixed feelings quickly changed into a happiness I couldn't even begin to describe. My whole world was going to change in the best possible way. As the months went by- all the routine tests and scans showed that our baby was healthy and strong and we were over the moon when we found out we were going to be blessed with a little girl. My hopes and dreams for the future had been realised and I began to plan the rest of my life with a beautiful baby girl in it. I will never forget the day I felt her move inside my stomach- and from that day forth, anytime I had any doubt that she was ok (which every mama can relate to) she would give me a wriggle (or a punch) to assure me she was still doing great. I spent my days preparing for her arrival and dreaming about meeting her and being able to look into her eyes. Then came the 18th of May, 2019. This day was and will always be with me as the saddest day of my life. I was 33 weeks along and could almost grasp the day that I would soon have her in my arms. The night before- she had been very quiet.  I tried to sleep, reminding myself that it was normal for babies to be quiet sometimes when you are so far along in pregnancy. I tried and tried but still couldn't sleep. Instead, I had dark thoughts all night long and I lay there willing my little girl to give me a sign that she was ok. Looking back- my mothers intuition knew something was very wrong and in my heart I probably already knew what was about to come. I went to the hospital first thing the next morning upset and anxious. The midwife reassured me and told me that this was normal and that everything would be ok.  She hooked me up to the foetal monitor and instead of hearing that strong little galloping heartbeat I was used to hearing when she was being monitored..... There was silence. The kind of silence that was so deafening that it rattled my soul. I knew before she had even said the words that my baby girl had gone. My baby. My future..... and me.... I was gone. She was born at 2:36pm the following day and I was crushed. My mind, my body and my heart. I was truly broken. We named her Scout- and I never got to see her eyes.  Even though she had already passed when she was born, she was so very beautiful..... and she was and will always be my daughter. The days that followed were a complete blur. I think you completely shut down as a way of protecting yourself- because if you allowed yourself to feel the pain of what had just happened, you would die. The support I received at the hospital and from family and friends- I couldn't even absorb. No condolences anyone could give me would bring Scout back. I was soon to discover that when this sort of tragic thing occurs- you must face several difficult decisions..... despite the pain. The horrendous decisions surrounding how and when you will give birth to your baby. Do you want to spend time with your baby after they are born and how much? What do you want to dress and wrap your baby in as you prepare them for their final rest- and of course having to make the funeral arrangements. Nothing can ever prepare you for these questions- but there is no way around it... you must answer them. During our stay at the hospital we were surprised and very sad to learn how many women and families have to go through a similar thing. There are 6 stillborn babies born every single day in Australia alone.  My heart cried out to the mothers of these babies and I knew pretty early on that I had to do something to help. There are amazing charities doing amazing work- but the demand is great and having been personally touched by this- I would like to be able to help in my own unique way. When I was in hospital- I was completely unprepared. I wasn't expecting my baby for another 6 weeks, so I had nothing small enough to fit her and nothing to give her that would even come close to being special enough. I received gestures of generosity. Small keepsakes such as small teddy bears (one for me- one for Scout) a tiny little hat and booties.... and a beautiful gown that we were able to lay our daughter to rest in. I would like to give back. A small piece of support from me and Scout in the form of bereavement packs.  These packs will cost approximately $30 each to put together and will include things that bereaved mothers do not currently receive that I think would help while they are in hospital dealing with this unimaginable situation. These things will include items of dignity for mothers to receive and to care for their passed babies..... Also- momentos for mothers to keep forever as a reminder of how brave they have been and the medal of honour they now wear. Please help me and dig deep. I will be forever grateful for any contribution- big or small. Anything will help. This is a cause that needs much more awareness and love thrown at it. The stigma that surrounds this issue needs to be lifted. For all of the babies who never make it into their mothers arms alive. To the ones that do for a small amount of time, and to all the mothers who feel like they can not and will not ever recover. I will not stop. In Scouts honour. xxxxxxx