The progress nanny has made so far is quite incredible. If you had seen her at the end of January, you would not believe she is the same woman.

Carers at that time said that I should give up as she is old and has dementia. They said she would never walk again. They doubted nanny. They had given up on her but I hadn’t.

I refused to believe that the lady who was so strong and stubborn, the lady who had loved walking, had gone forever. I would be quick to add that I am not in denial, I know the disease she is living with does get progressively worse and I know there will come a time when she no longer knows how to walk or talk but I also know my nanny. I knew back in January that we hadn’t reached that point yet. I had faith, even if others doubted.

Everyday I see progress and I am so proud of nanny. Her strength is on another level. Her carers are in disbelief.

I didn’t start noting down Nanny’s progress until 1st March when she stood up twice and took two steps. After everything nanny has been through, these were miracle steps. I was like a parent watching their child’s first steps. I wish I’d had my camera to hand but I was so emotional I didn’t even think. After the months of ill-health, these steps were the first on her road to recovery.

The next day, Nanny took seven steps. The following day, ten steps. There was no stopping her because the next day she took forty-two steps. After her rest day on the Monday, she stepped it up to fifty-four steps on Tuesday 6th. On Wednesday 7th, she took sixty-three steps. It was on Thursday 8th March that she took a massive ninety-five steps!

Every step nanny takes is a massive achievement and I shower her in praise. I’m impressed with her strength and determination. She has this incredible stubbornness that has aided her progress. I hope it continues to be advantageous!

When nanny left hospital to come and live with me, something wasn’t right. I had a feeling but I didn’t know what. It’s that intuition that we, as our loved ones nearest and dearest, have. Nanny was so uptight, for want of a better word, and she had absolutely no energy. At first I believed it was because she was in a new environment and also recovering from the major ordeal of the last two months.

After about seven days, I came to the conclusion that nanny had not been fully healthy on leaving the hospital. I think she had left with low levels of vitamins and minerals. I didn’t know if she had an underlying infection but I soon called in the doctor. The doctor’s diagnosis was that nanny had low mood due to all the changes and the trauma of the previous months.

I carried on caring for nanny and lavishing love on her but there was no improvement. This was not a mood problem. I had a strong feeling that nanny had a urinary tract infection as the effects of such can be major in the elderly. The doctor prescribed a one dose antibiotic. I had never heard of such a course of treatment but what did I know, I’m not a doctor and I hadn’t been a carer for very long either!

Nanny took this dose of medicine on Friday 2nd February which also happened to be my Birthday. A day that in my mind was overshadowed by the feeling that something wasn’t right with my nanny. I had no care for celebrating because I was concerned for nanny. However I was encouraged that my aunt would care for my nanny overnight whilst i had a night off and went out for a family dinner.

In hindsight, I should have stayed home with nanny. But it’s always easy to say this after the event, isn’t it?

On my return, the next day, I thought nanny was mad at me because I had left her overnight. I convinced myself she was eating less because she was mad at me. The thing with dementia, this is entirely possible. Those suffering from this awful disease are so much more sensitive. Any change greatly impacts their mood. A steady routine is of great comfort to them. So this was a logical explanation. I thought she’d take a couple of days to get back to normal after the disturbance to her routine.

On the Monday morning, I came to see I was very wrong. When I entered nanny’s bedroom that morning, instead of being greeted by the usual ‘Good Morning’ and a big smile, nanny was slumped over, her tongue was swollen and her mouth was drooped. I immediately phoned the doctors and said I needed a doctor to visit, as soon as possible. I thought nanny had experienced an allergic reaction to the antibiotics. They must have been strong to be a single dose and nanny has always been very sensitive to antibiotics. Obviously I am not a doctor but that’s was the only logical explanation in my mind.

I FaceTimed my mumma and showed her nanny. Mumma agreed something wasn’t right and she said I had done the right thing calling the doctor. I just had to wait.

By midday, I couldn’t get any fluids into nanny and eating was entirely off the cards. I was really worried. I thought the doctor would need to give her an antihistamine or something.

When the doctor came, she thought nanny was dehydrated and recommended taking her into hospital but there was no rush. The doctor said to have a think and then give the surgery a call. If we wanted nanny to be admitted, the surgery would arrange transport.

There was no urgency in any of this and saying that it was up to us as a family made us believe that it was nothing to worry about, that it was just precautionary. In our minds, we were worried about her going into hospital because of the previous ordeal she had experienced. Within an hour, we came to be in a completely different mind space.

We prayed as a family: my mumma, my aunt and myself. We needed guidance in this situation. We came to the decision as a family that going to hospital was nanny’s best option as without any fluids she would get worse. We had asked the GP if an IV could be set up at home to avoid the hospital but we were told this was not an option. In our area, IV antibiotics can be administered at home by a district nurse but not IV fluids.

I phoned the surgery and told them that we wanted nanny admitted.

In the time it took the surgery to call back, nanny deteriorated rapidly. This was not simply dehydration and this was much more serious than any of us had originally thought.

The surgery called us back at 5pm. They said that the wait for the ambulance was approximately six hours but to expect delays and up to an eight hour wait.

By this point, some of my family had gathered at our home: my mumma and my sister as well as a close family friend.

We were aghast, how could they leave an elderly patient so long?

Within ten minutes, the ambulance service operator phoned me. I described nanny’s symptoms and then there was a sudden sense of urgency. In these minutes on the phone, nanny got worse and not just a little bit worse; she got so, so much worse. Life-threateningly worse!

Thinking about those minutes, I am brought back to one of the worst times of my life. I cry simply thinking about it.

On the phone to the operator, i witnessed my nanny gradually slipping away. I am not being melodramatic, this is facts. This was a bad situation. My mumma and my sister had to keep leaving the room because it was overwhelming. The stress, the worry and the cruelty of the situation. We all felt helpless.

Nanny’s breathing became so shallow, I was worried she might breath her last and this was a feeling we were all struggling with.

The wait for that ambulance felt like eternity despite it being only thirty minutes or so.

I couldn’t do anything to comfort or ease nanny’s obvious discomfort. I was stroking her head and calling her name. Mumma tried fluids but we couldn’t even get her to sit up, let alone drink. I kept calling her name just to reassure her that she wasn’t alone and partly to reassure myself that she was still alive.

It was obvious, when the ambulance crew arrived, that they believed nanny had experienced a major stroke. They blue-lighted her to the nearest hospital with a stroke unit.

I can tell you now, that nanny did not have a major stroke. I thank God for this daily. We were not told until some days later that nanny actually had sepsis. Nanny may have experienced a mini stroke, as was evident on her CT, but she was extremely fortunate to be alive. Sepsis, as most will know, can kill. It is a deadly reaction within the body as a response to infection.

Let me tell, nanny did not have a high temperature or signs of a fever. The obvious signs of an infection were not present. In fact, nanny’s temperature was a little lower than her normal.

Never in a million years would any of us have suspected Sepsis. But now I caution anyone who has even the slightest concern for a loved one, do not wait. Act immediately! Call that ambulance, you are not wasting resources. This could be a life or death situation which requires your most rapid response.

In a way, we were fortunate that a stroke was suspected as it meant nanny received treatment much more quickly. This, I believe, saved her life.

This second hospital stay felt like a punishment. I felt a huge amount of guilt. In my mind, it was all my fault. I blamed myself for leaving her overnight. I blamed myself for not phoning an ambulance rather than the GP. I blamed myself for not being a good carer. None of these thoughts were true but as a full time carer, I quickly found that I doubt myself a lot. I always second guess myself. I question every decision I make. It is so difficult to know what is the ‘right’ thing to do. But I would like to reassure anyone in a similar situation. If you are doing your very best, if you are acting in love, if you have your loved ones best interests at heart then you are doing the ‘right’ thing.

Do not feel pressure from anyone else’s expectations. Do not feel judged. Do not feel wrong. Do not doubt yourself again. You are doing something amazing! You should be proud of yourself! Give yourself a break because you are truly brilliant.