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seher • سحر @seher
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<3 // it has always been you.

2019-03-12 18:28

1419 82

 

<3 // it has always been you.

mary for major models
.
in fall 2017, during the peak of my longest and most challenging depressive period since beginning therapy in 2010, i ran into an acquaintance at an event.
.
she asked me how i was and before i could answer, she said something to the effect of, “and i know you being you, you’re gonna keep it real and not just be like, ‘i’m great!’ if you’re not.” i know she meant to be complimentary, but it was not what i needed to hear in the moment.
.
in those months, my whole life had been consumed around salvaging my mood the best i possibility could; my own thoughts on ‘how i was doing’ were already encroaching on my space in my alone time. i had decided in advance to do my best to act as if i was okay during this event— because that’s what i needed; i needed a goddamn break.
.
i got extremely uncomfortable and began wondering if i was inauthentic because i didn’t want to put energy on naming that i wasn’t well. i wanted to answer that i was good and move on to some other type of conversation that i could actually enjoy.
.
i told myself that saying “good” was true in a sense; because ultimately, i am always alright. and at that time, i was simply experiencing an ebb of my human experience.
.
i think my discomfort with her remark and my ensuing internal conflict blew my cover; i’m quite certain she felt my reservation and unease when i said “good.” it changed the vibe. and i mostly didn’t care. i wasn’t there to cater to her vision of me.
.
i chose my self-preservation. and that’s what i’ll choose in the vast majority of cases. i know how useless and even harmful i can be when i’m unwell and not tending to my needs. when i’m real low, any filter i’ve got to maintain a semblance of normalcy and civility with the outside world is paper thin— i know this.
.
i don’t think we need to feel obligated to say we’re feeling unwell while we are still amidst that experience; it doesn’t help my healing to put energy on a given challenging thing that i’m already working on for the sake of updating someone— especially an acquaintance—perfectly truthfully.
.
(continued in comments)

2019-02-06 01:10

731 43

 

mary for major models . in fall 2017, during the peak of my longest and most challenging depressive period since beginning therapy in 2010, i ran into an acquaintance at an event. . she asked me how i was and before i could answer, she said something to the effect of, “and i know you being you, you’re gonna keep it real and not just be like, ‘i’m great!’ if you’re not.” i know she meant to be complimentary, but it was not what i needed to hear in the moment. . in those months, my whole life had been consumed around salvaging my mood the best i possibility could; my own thoughts on ‘how i was doing’ were already encroaching on my space in my alone time. i had decided in advance to do my best to act as if i was okay during this event— because that’s what i needed; i needed a goddamn break. . i got extremely uncomfortable and began wondering if i was inauthentic because i didn’t want to put energy on naming that i wasn’t well. i wanted to answer that i was good and move on to some other type of conversation that i could actually enjoy. . i told myself that saying “good” was true in a sense; because ultimately, i am always alright. and at that time, i was simply experiencing an ebb of my human experience. . i think my discomfort with her remark and my ensuing internal conflict blew my cover; i’m quite certain she felt my reservation and unease when i said “good.” it changed the vibe. and i mostly didn’t care. i wasn’t there to cater to her vision of me. . i chose my self-preservation. and that’s what i’ll choose in the vast majority of cases. i know how useless and even harmful i can be when i’m unwell and not tending to my needs. when i’m real low, any filter i’ve got to maintain a semblance of normalcy and civility with the outside world is paper thin— i know this. . i don’t think we need to feel obligated to say we’re feeling unwell while we are still amidst that experience; it doesn’t help my healing to put energy on a given challenging thing that i’m already working on for the sake of updating someone— especially an acquaintance—perfectly truthfully. . (continued in comments)

<3 // been on my mind heavy lately as a general life creed. there’s always a choice.
.
a closing line from my recent essay for latonya yvette.

2019-01-28 19:31

1054 37

 

<3 // been on my mind heavy lately as a general life creed. there’s always a choice. . a closing line from my recent essay for latonya yvette.

kalysse for man repeller
.
i’ve been thinking about joy lately, especially about joy as a way of manifesting our dreams even before they materially come to fore;
.
last night i picked up the book ‘creating money’ after a long while. i re-read my notes and a bit more of the book. i’m only about 20 pages in; i tend to read very intentionally, stop to reflect a lot, and simultaneously take notes.
.
i was reminded of a powerful perspective shift:
.
i manifest best when i choose to *right now* genuinely live out the higher qualities i believe money (or whatever i’m looking to manifest) will bring into my life.
.
an exercise + illustration:
.
think of something you’d like to manifest
.
what higher qualities do you think that thing, person, or experience will bring into you & your life?
.
what are some easily accessible ways you can bring those qualities into your life now— today, this week, in this moment?
.
unfolding the perspective shift:
.
i want more money because i believe it will bring me freedom.
.
i realize that i can also easily access the feeling of freedom when i’m being silly, when i’m being fully myself, when i see children being free, when i deeply connect with someone in a way that i can almost touch the entire universe in that moment.
.
when i choose to be in the vibration of freedom *now*, i am calling in the matching/correlating vibration of that which i desire. and because i am coming from a place of authentic connection to source, i am simultaneously manifesting 1) what i *really, actually* want and 2) more precisely for my highest good.
.
before finding this book, i intuitively created a similar practice and paired it with intentional action towards manifesting the money i needed. with this way, i catapulted myself out of major, heart-wrenching brokenness in early 2017.
.
it was a time where every other day i was getting notices of bills being declined, my credit cards were maxed out, i had no idea how i’d be paying rent, and my cash was just enough to feed myself. it was the closest i’d ever been to feeling like i could soon be out of choices— and would possibly need to move back to cali to live with my parents.
.
(continued in comments)

2019-01-23 23:18

1184 76

 

kalysse for man repeller . i’ve been thinking about joy lately, especially about joy as a way of manifesting our dreams even before they materially come to fore; . last night i picked up the book ‘creating money’ after a long while. i re-read my notes and a bit more of the book. i’m only about 20 pages in; i tend to read very intentionally, stop to reflect a lot, and simultaneously take notes. . i was reminded of a powerful perspective shift: . i manifest best when i choose to *right now* genuinely live out the higher qualities i believe money (or whatever i’m looking to manifest) will bring into my life. . an exercise + illustration: . think of something you’d like to manifest . what higher qualities do you think that thing, person, or experience will bring into you & your life . what are some easily accessible ways you can bring those qualities into your life now— today, this week, in this moment . unfolding the perspective shift: . i want more money because i believe it will bring me freedom. . i realize that i can also easily access the feeling of freedom when i’m being silly, when i’m being fully myself, when i see children being free, when i deeply connect with someone in a way that i can almost touch the entire universe in that moment. . when i choose to be in the vibration of freedom *now*, i am calling in the matching/correlating vibration of that which i desire. and because i am coming from a place of authentic connection to source, i am simultaneously manifesting 1) what i *really, actually* want and 2) more precisely for my highest good. . before finding this book, i intuitively created a similar practice and paired it with intentional action towards manifesting the money i needed. with this way, i catapulted myself out of major, heart-wrenching brokenness in early 2017. . it was a time where every other day i was getting notices of bills being declined, my credit cards were maxed out, i had no idea how i’d be paying rent, and my cash was just enough to feed myself. it was the closest i’d ever been to feeling like i could soon be out of choices— and would possibly need to move back to cali to live with my parents. . (continued in comments)

<3 // with intention comes presence comes joy

2019-01-16 02:26

752 41

 

<3 // with intention comes presence comes joy

anja in bedstuy
.
anja is an angel, mother, poet, philosopher, and role model; she may not name herself some of these things, but i wager many others would.
.
anja holds the contrasts of her life, relationships, and inner world with grace, humility, and decided candor on a consistent basis— i am left in awe too many times to count.
.
most of her shares on instagram revolve around motherhood, yet her messages and sentiments are profoundly and palpably universal— human. i stay learning, inspired, humbled.
.
though i believe that personal growth via social service is valuable in all its varied forms, there is something that the surrender and choice/not-always-a-choice service of parenthood does to a person that is breathtaking to me. especially with single mothers. especially especially with single mothers of color.
.
i found an unconscious pattern of mine earlier this year: a notable amount of my women friend crushes were mothers. mostly women of color. mostly single mothers. i thought about the possible common thread amongst these women that attracted me to them; my feel is that they are supremely rooted, refreshingly candid with no space for nonsense, tender hearted while still sharp as glass, patient but firm, humble-but-don’t-get-it-twisted (can run circles around most), and wise.
.
anja, thanks for being one of my favorite new humans in my world. i appreciate you and all the ways you serve your community by existing as who you are.
.
an aside but kinda not: my essential oils collection is a legitimate apothecary now. it’s def out of control. i’d like to gift a mama a custom therapeutic blend— body oil or room spray.
.
if you are a mother, please offer an entry in the comments by sharing three qualities/feelings/emotions/sentiments you’d like to call into your life.
.
if you are not a mother, please feel free to tag a mother in your world whom you love and who might appreciate a custom essential oil blend.
.
entries are welcome through saturday. i’ll dm the gift recipient on sunday or monday :)
.
much love <3

2018-12-04 21:17

867 46

 

anja in bedstuy . anja is an angel, mother, poet, philosopher, and role model; she may not name herself some of these things, but i wager many others would. . anja holds the contrasts of her life, relationships, and inner world with grace, humility, and decided candor on a consistent basis— i am left in awe too many times to count. . most of her shares on instagram revolve around motherhood, yet her messages and sentiments are profoundly and palpably universal— human. i stay learning, inspired, humbled. . though i believe that personal growth via social service is valuable in all its varied forms, there is something that the surrender and choice/not-always-a-choice service of parenthood does to a person that is breathtaking to me. especially with single mothers. especially especially with single mothers of color. . i found an unconscious pattern of mine earlier this year: a notable amount of my women friend crushes were mothers. mostly women of color. mostly single mothers. i thought about the possible common thread amongst these women that attracted me to them; my feel is that they are supremely rooted, refreshingly candid with no space for nonsense, tender hearted while still sharp as glass, patient but firm, humble-but-don’t-get-it-twisted (can run circles around most), and wise. . anja, thanks for being one of my favorite new humans in my world. i appreciate you and all the ways you serve your community by existing as who you are. . an aside but kinda not: my essential oils collection is a legitimate apothecary now. it’s def out of control. i’d like to gift a mama a custom therapeutic blend— body oil or room spray. . if you are a mother, please offer an entry in the comments by sharing three qualities/feelings/emotions/sentiments you’d like to call into your life. . if you are not a mother, please feel free to tag a mother in your world whom you love and who might appreciate a custom essential oil blend. . entries are welcome through saturday. i’ll dm the gift recipient on sunday or monday :) . much love <3

<3 // non-sense is underrated.

2018-11-12 19:12

801 36

 

<3 // non-sense is underrated.

mc for adidas x reigning champ
.
sometimes you barely have the energy, will, or desire to get even your most essential tasks done. sometimes these periods can last a long time. sometimes it’s frustrating and feels like failure. sometimes it feels like it will never end. has this always been my life? you know that’s not true, but damn. sometimes the root of this state isn’t depression. sometimes the body-mind just needs to rest rest rest and stop the doing for a long while as it recalibrates and absorbs the lessons. sometimes we must suspend self-judgment at all costs. sometimes it’s okay to not have a straight answer to “how are you?” for a very long time. sometimes we’re allowed to ourselves not understand how we feel. sometimes we’re due to accept that this is not meant to be a mental exercise. sometimes all these sometimes are an opportunity for gratitude and humility.
.
<3

2018-11-09 22:40

933 31

 

mc for adidas x reigning champ . sometimes you barely have the energy, will, or desire to get even your most essential tasks done. sometimes these periods can last a long time. sometimes it’s frustrating and feels like failure. sometimes it feels like it will never end. has this always been my life you know that’s not true, but damn. sometimes the root of this state isn’t depression. sometimes the body-mind just needs to rest rest rest and stop the doing for a long while as it recalibrates and absorbs the lessons. sometimes we must suspend self-judgment at all costs. sometimes it’s okay to not have a straight answer to “how are you” for a very long time. sometimes we’re allowed to ourselves not understand how we feel. sometimes we’re due to accept that this is not meant to be a mental exercise. sometimes all these sometimes are an opportunity for gratitude and humility. . <3

i deeply believe that “heal yourself, heal the world”— energetically, psychologically, and sociologically; so by extension, i also believe that healing our relationships and our communities is inextricably and symbiotically linked with self-healing and collective/global healing.
.
this month i canvassed for the first time ever; it was for a swing seat in the house for ny-11, the only congress seat from nyc filled by a republican.
.
tuesday night, max rose became the first democrat to fill this seat since 1994. last i checked, he lead at 52% — just four points. the very republican staten island reported back nearly tied results for the race.
.
this district comprises staten island, bay ridge, bensonhurst, and a few other areas in south brooklyn. it is diverse: filled with italians, polish, south asians, chinese, middle easterners and on.
.
witnessing disenfranchisement and disconnection due to language barriers, cultural gaps, blind allegiance to party, and misinformation was sobering— it was an incredibly humbling district to canvass; by opting out, people had effectively been allowing an incumbent who could give two shits about them to remain.
.
i worked on more traditional canvassing directly with the max rose campaign via the brilliantly organized swing left effort. here, the strategy targeted registered democrats and/or people potentially open to vote for a democratic candidate (per data). here, short convos are best (~5 min) and numbers are key.
.
mobilizing a candidate’s base and making sure they are informed about the candidate and why they’ll make a difference— and about registering, their polling place, voting times, etc— AND holding them accountable to vote on election day (making calls, going to their house to see if they’ve voted yet— yup!), are critical to success.
.
through these efforts, the largely arab neighborhood of bay ridge saw record turnouts, amongst other notable gains.
.
by contrast, i also conducted deep canvassing with a newer organization called changing the conversation. here, we sought out communities traditionally unlikely to vote for a democratic candidate— staten island was a big focus.
.
(continued in comments)

2018-11-08 19:50

516 28

 

i deeply believe that “heal yourself, heal the world”— energetically, psychologically, and sociologically; so by extension, i also believe that healing our relationships and our communities is inextricably and symbiotically linked with self-healing and collective/global healing. . this month i canvassed for the first time ever; it was for a swing seat in the house for ny-11, the only congress seat from nyc filled by a republican. . tuesday night, max rose became the first democrat to fill this seat since 1994. last i checked, he lead at 52% — just four points. the very republican staten island reported back nearly tied results for the race. . this district comprises staten island, bay ridge, bensonhurst, and a few other areas in south brooklyn. it is diverse: filled with italians, polish, south asians, chinese, middle easterners and on. . witnessing disenfranchisement and disconnection due to language barriers, cultural gaps, blind allegiance to party, and misinformation was sobering— it was an incredibly humbling district to canvass; by opting out, people had effectively been allowing an incumbent who could give two shits about them to remain. . i worked on more traditional canvassing directly with the max rose campaign via the brilliantly organized swing left effort. here, the strategy targeted registered democrats and/or people potentially open to vote for a democratic candidate (per data). here, short convos are best (~5 min) and numbers are key. . mobilizing a candidate’s base and making sure they are informed about the candidate and why they’ll make a difference— and about registering, their polling place, voting times, etc— AND holding them accountable to vote on election day (making calls, going to their house to see if they’ve voted yet— yup!), are critical to success. . through these efforts, the largely arab neighborhood of bay ridge saw record turnouts, amongst other notable gains. . by contrast, i also conducted deep canvassing with a newer organization called changing the conversation. here, we sought out communities traditionally unlikely to vote for a democratic candidate— staten island was a big focus. . (continued in comments)

more than:
.
- my self-hate
- my self-criticism
- my self-blame
- my self-abuse
- my sadness
- my internalized rage
- my anxiety about the past and future
- my need for approval
- unhealthy relationships and toxic ways of relating
- fear of my own power and potential
- the escape of non-presence and disembodiment
- the stories and judgments i make up about myself, everyone, and everything

taking testimonies; how about you? <3

2018-10-31 20:26

1124 67

 

more than: . - my self-hate - my self-criticism - my self-blame - my self-abuse - my sadness - my internalized rage - my anxiety about the past and future - my need for approval - unhealthy relationships and toxic ways of relating - fear of my own power and potential - the escape of non-presence and disembodiment - the stories and judgments i make up about myself, everyone, and everything taking testimonies; how about you <3

<3 // pleasure to have met you.
.
as i unfold, i meet “new” parts of myself buried and forgotten; abused, shunned, mocked, judged— by myself and/or others; i am able to revel in the unending mystery of my quirks, interests, and expansiveness anew.
.
i spontaneously found myself drawing lines and dots some months back; they flowed out like their own language as do words for me sometimes. a part of me felt like it was rad. another part of me was like, “bitch, you ain’t an illustrator. a two year old can do this. nobody cares.” and so the fuck what. i found it cathartic, fun, and pretty. so i did it and shared it when i felt like it. i’m an illustrator that draws like a two year old and i am proud of it.
.
a while back i felt called to play with geometry. similar to the way i began the type of writing i share on here, i endeavored to do this with no judgment (or as little as possible), using the opportunity for expression rather than a quantifiable achievement.
.
i liken one of the highest forms of my creative process to the exercise of freewriting— just go, let it out, don’t worry or think about what’s happening. and definitely don’t judge.
.
life is so much more freeing and fun and easy when you let yourself be whichever you you feel like in any given moment— without feeling like you always have to look over your shoulder.
.
i’m trying, y’all! the other day i danced in the street by myself in manhattan while walking to my destination. so liberating, so enlivening, and such goddamn relief!! i want to not care enough to do that whenever i feel like it. baby steps.

2018-10-28 21:41

382 12

 

<3 // pleasure to have met you. . as i unfold, i meet “new” parts of myself buried and forgotten; abused, shunned, mocked, judged— by myself and/or others; i am able to revel in the unending mystery of my quirks, interests, and expansiveness anew. . i spontaneously found myself drawing lines and dots some months back; they flowed out like their own language as do words for me sometimes. a part of me felt like it was rad. another part of me was like, “bitch, you ain’t an illustrator. a two year old can do this. nobody cares.” and so the fuck what. i found it cathartic, fun, and pretty. so i did it and shared it when i felt like it. i’m an illustrator that draws like a two year old and i am proud of it. . a while back i felt called to play with geometry. similar to the way i began the type of writing i share on here, i endeavored to do this with no judgment (or as little as possible), using the opportunity for expression rather than a quantifiable achievement. . i liken one of the highest forms of my creative process to the exercise of freewriting— just go, let it out, don’t worry or think about what’s happening. and definitely don’t judge. . life is so much more freeing and fun and easy when you let yourself be whichever you you feel like in any given moment— without feeling like you always have to look over your shoulder. . i’m trying, y’all! the other day i danced in the street by myself in manhattan while walking to my destination. so liberating, so enlivening, and such goddamn relief!! i want to not care enough to do that whenever i feel like it. baby steps.

<3 // this comparison machine ain’t cute sometimes

2018-10-27 02:13

1073 58

 

<3 // this comparison machine ain’t cute sometimes

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