I’ve never felt like the most intelligent person. I grew up thinking I wasn’t very smart. It’s been a bit of a sensitive issue or trigger for me over the years. So when I started working at my current school, I felt like my leaders and the people I worked with were highly intelligent and I felt quite inferior. I seemed to have trouble communicating how I felt or what I was thinking, and I felt like I was walking around in this permanent fog. There were all these thoughts bouncing around in my head and I couldn’t quite make sense of any of it. New school. New role. All this new information, that I hadn’t quite grasped. My usual pattern was to just leave it, go home, have a glass of wine and watch TV and hopefully forget about the day and the fogginess will pass.
Around this time my husband was away for work, so I had the house to myself. I started listening to Angels and Airwaves again, and caught up on all the albums I hadn’t heard since We Don’t Need To Whisper. I watched all the interviews I could find with Tom DeLonge. I loved his message about Creativity and his dedication to his Art. I remember watching his interview on The Pursuit of Tone and he said “For me what I do is I learn something and think… How do I turn that into an Art project”. That comment blew me away. I thought “Is that it”. “Is that how people show what they know” “I can do that.” From that moment I became obsessed with researching the theme, topic, subject of creativity. And I started creating these really simple sketches about what I was learning on the topic. The more I did the more I felt my mind clear and I started to feel like things were making sense for me.
Thanks to Tom DeLonge’s advice, I now know if I really want to understand a topic, I’ve got to make something out of what I’m learning. So that I can really grasp the concepts.
I’ve heard in recent years the best way to master something is to teach it. You might say
you were a generalist teacher for 7 years. But honestly I never ever felt like I mastered anything. The curriculum is so vast and overwhelming I was probably more sharing than ever actually mastering any of the information.
When I’m feeling burnt out or in a rut or uninspired (whatever word feels the most accurate at any given time) sometimes it helps to just play. Last night I just sat and mixed colors, searching out combinations. There was no goal, no “skill,” no deep meaning. Just pure process, and the joy of the tactile experience of painting, which is honestly at least half of the attraction. And the magic of yellow plus blue creating the illusion of green never gets old.