If I woke up with this look on my face, guessing I had a fun night.
Not that I could remember the details 🤷♀️ and to be honest, I don't think I cared that much.
I got drunk, high, laughed, passed out.
Where With who 🤷♀️
Couldn't tell you.
But I laughed.
My bones hurt, head feels like it's caving in. Sick to my stomach and can't find my ID...
But I laughed.
What was the joke tho
Couldn't tell you
bc I don't even remember how I got home.
Don't know if my friend made it home either.
Don't know who was in my apt!
Not laughing so much anymore...
Too many days and nights wasted for the sake of "having fun".
I have more regrets than memories.
Had more shame than joy.
But you wouldn't know that then. I just did more drugs to keep the smile on my face, to keep laughing thru the F*€% Ups.
When I finally decided to let that life go confusion and guilt stood around for a loooong time.
What would I do if I wasn't partying Who was I if not dating some one How do you quiet your mind sober 😱 Would ppl forgive me
Letting go of each thing that made me feel less than worthy made room to rediscover what makes me unique, my true identity, my true purpose.
It's been a long road finding these answers, but at least I decided to move!
I could say I did this all by myself, but that would be a lie. I didn't have the strength to change, no discipline to drop my habits.
𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞.
I needed someone Bigger than me to lean on. Someone who's constant, never changing. Someone who didn't look at me like a druggie and loved me like a daughter.
I needed God.
Bc of Him I can honestly say I don't miss that life. That I'm no longer ashamed of it and I now remember why I laugh!