Eu sou feliz, eu sou do mato
Mas maluco é quem me diz
Eu escolhi, troquei o asfalto
Tô no barro e sou feliz.
I’m a loner— It’s a fact of my life. For whatever reason though, we’re often led to believe that spending time alone, like going to the movies or eating out by yourself is depressing or sad, but I’ve always found it to be one of my biggest joys. Whenever my parents would say the words, “We have to run errands so you’ll be home alone for a few hours”, which happened often as I grew up, my reaction would always be an internalised “FUCK YES.” As a kid I played for hours alone in my room, listened to full albums over and over again, drew, read, made up dances, tried learning how to astral project... all in the comfort of the four walls of my bedroom.
As an adult, I find it difficult to manage my desire for quality alone time with the demands of work, motherhood, exercise, maintaining a huge house, and keeping up with interpersonal relationships. So I hold on to memories like this one of when I took this photo— a long time ago when I lived in Orlando during a period of my life when I didn’t have nearly as many responsibilities as I do now. I think back to the joy of spending days alone with my camera, exploring a city and observing everything around me. I didn’t need meditation back then because this WAS my meditation. Since I don’t often get this kind of meditation anymore, I sit in silence in the mornings and try to focus on my breathing and be present. But nothing makes me more present than when I can’t hear anything but the sound of my own breathing and heart as I quiet myself and study life around me through the viewfinder.
Art isn’t just about the art that’s created. I mean yes, that part has its importance to a degree, but I think even more important is the experience of making art— how you feel when you’re making your art, where you’re transported to when you’re making your art, in what ways your mind and soul are expanding as you’re making your art. And the results, like this photo, not only takes me back to the exact street, time of day and air quality I breathed 8 years ago, but also to that place of total stillness and superhuman awareness I felt in my mind and body at the time. (Cont in comments)
Boston City Hall, Kallmann, McKinnell & Knowles, 1968