On September 25th 2014, I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I was in Pittsburgh for work, and just hadn’t been feeling right. It seemed crazy that I could actually be pregnant as we had just started trying to conceive, but after buying out the rest aisle at CVS, it was true! I was pregnant! We were so excited and did all the fun things like making cute pregnancy announcements for our families and talking about baby names.
A couple of weeks later, it was clear something wasn’t right. The doctor ordered blood word and bed rest and assured me I was young and healthy and there was probably nothing to worry about.
We cancelled a long weekend trip to DC so that I could rest and we hoped for the best. On October 15th we went for an ultrasound. There was no heartbeat and no embryo detected. I remember choking back tears walking to the car and making it inside before sobbing uncontrollably like a small child. I knew in my heart I had miscarried our sweet baby, and this was confirmed two days later.
That afternoon while waiting at the hospital for a D&C, I was face to face with a nurse clearly far in her pregnancy. When she asked what procedure I was having and I explained, she told me that a D&C was “effectively an abortion” (it is not and there are a slew of medical reasons a woman could have this procedure done absent a failed pregnancy) and that I should trust God to have taken care of this.
The next four years were a blur of second and third miscarriages, fertility tests, being told everything “looks fine” and finally finding out that I have half of my uterus (yes ladies and gents - it’s a thing). I was told by one doctor if I ever were pregnant with twins I would need to travel to NYC to terminate one because carrying multiples would be life threatening for me. It was suggested I take breast cancer medication in hopes of stimulating my eggs for IUI.
I was exhausted and deeply heartbroken. I felt I had put my heart and mind and body through the ringer- smiling politely while friends got insta pregnant, planning and going to baby showers, getting in even better physical shape, going to grief counseling (continued in comments)