Beautiful day here and it’s awful being in bed looking out on a gorgeous day like this. I do have three bed rest locations I swap around to keep it interesting. 😂. Bleeding as 100% stopped and I’m so relieved about that. The biggest thing I’m happy about is I think I have the first signs of morning sickness. Mr BM3 was cooking lunch and all doors had to be closed the smell just made me soooo nauseous. Cheese and salty crackers are my friends at the moment and for the first time in years I had a tin of baked beans 🤷🏼♀️. I was also exhausted today despite all the bed rest. So hopefully I’m not imagining all this. You second guess even yourself at this point! The Netflix recos are going down a storm - thank you! Instant Hotel Series 1 👍🏻 Line of Duty is next!
Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes...
I know it’s scary, I know it can hurt... but the truth is... holding onto words... playing it through your mind over and over will destroy you.
We care so much about judgment, what others will think, how others will be, that it stops us from being honest about what’s going on with ourselves.
The mistakes we may have made, the life we want, the feelings we have... the feelings we are scared to have.
So they sit below the surface, eating away...
Sometimes it’s that we don’t want to hurt people, others times it’s because we are scared to get hurt... but the best thing you can do in life is be brave enough to speak the truth. Even if it hurts.
Because when we stand with honesty and vulnerability... we stand in a place of strength and even in the toughest moments....
We will be able to get through it all ❤️
On our last day in Canada, My Mum & I had the opportunity to go Kayaking in the Sooke Basin. Anyone who suffers from any of the same conditions as I do, will understand the many obstacles & challenges involved in taking part in an activity like this, so I hadn’t actually been out on a boat in the Ocean for several years. The physical exertion, constantly being in motion & anxiety around feeling ‘trapped’ all felt challenging to me, & when My Mum had tentatively suggested it before we arrived I told her I would almost certainly not be able to do it. However, fast forward to finishing my week of treatment & I woke up on Sunday morning & decided to go for it, & I’m so happy I did. It wasn’t easy, & a few symptoms did pop up but overall it was such a good experience & so nice to do with my Mum, it was so beautiful & peaceful out in the water, & we saw seals which was really exciting
As I keep progressing in my health journey, I am trying very much to live by the notion of ‘think greater than you feel’, & trying to go just that little bit out of my comfort zone to take small steps to get back to living a purposeful & enjoyable life. I am trying to shift my thoughts from ‘but what if this negative symptom/thing happens’ to ‘what if it doesn’t’, & I’m starting to see the rewards of consciously moving away from living, thinking & acting in fear. I’m very grateful for experiences like this because they remind me of how far I have come on the days when it might not feel like it, & it’s exciting that I am building up more of these memories to keep propelling me forwards
Most of all, I’m extremely grateful to my wonderful Mummy for dropping her own schedule & plans for 10 days to travel with me & accompany me throughout treatment, & for always believing that I can get better & encouraging me to keep going no matter what. I will be forever grateful for all that my family have done for me over the past few years, to keep me alive & then to help me start actually living again, which in some ways has proved just as difficult. I know not everyone is as fortunate to have the support I have & I do not take it for granted ❤️