After each relationship I would look back and ask myself, why did I tolerate that Why did I accept this
Growing up, the emphasis was on studying, getting to uni, get a job, get married and have babies. Emotional resilience was never on the agenda and because I felt like I had 2 personalities I was so confused.
At home, everything that I was exposed to was haram, but when I was outside, all of those haram choices were encouraged and celebrated. Did I know what I believed in No. I just wanted to fit in. I wanted acceptance.
When you grow up Muslim, a lot of your beliefs are dictated to you without any convincing reasons. It was only once I got enough independence and time away from my family that I was put in situations where I needed to define my own morals and principles.
But instead I looked for comfort and security by pleasing a man. I became the girl that he liked. I became the girl that he was attracted to. His morals were my morals, his opinions became my opinions. I let a clown convince me that feminism was a toxic idea. I let a man convince me that my worth was entirely dependent on my sexual history.
And then my relationships crapped out. I barely had a relationship with my parents, and even some of my friends thought I was too bad a Muslim to be close to. I was completely alone.
I found myself through deciding my beliefs, my morals and my boundaries. I found my healing through my faith. All of the situations I'd been in taught me who I never wanted to be. I can now look back and realise who made me feel uncomfortable and inadequate.
I set my boundaries, and anyone that couldn't accept them were people I needed to get rid of anyway.
God creates bridges. It's your responsibility to maintain them.
Spent Saturday evening with people God placed in our lives for reasons He reveals when the time is right.
Find people you can be vulnerable with and go through life with.
Going through life means sharing personal stories/convictions and receiving wise counsel from people who have your best interest in mind.
This requires an open heart for growing together with no judgment and a sincere approach when conflict arises.
Take heed and apply this approach with the people you want to do life with.
Does your child's temper upset you
Maybe you hate how they yell
Or speak to you
Or if you have siblings; the way they speak to each other
Often it can be really frustrating and you wonder how you can stop this behaviour Often they act like this as we have role modelled it.
Maybe when we get angry we yell at them role modeling yelling.
Maybe we threaten when they dont do as we ask role modeling threatening.
Maybe you compare one sibling to the other creating jealously and undermining their sibling relationship.
So if we want to change their behaviour we need to think about what behaviour we also need to change. ☆
Hi my name is Brooke Shelton and I'm an accredited AMHSW and a perinatal, child & family therapist. I've been working with parents and families for over a decade and I have kids of my own.
If you would like more help with this idea or parenting in general then please request to join my attachment theory based reflective parenting facebook group (pregnancy, birth and beyond) because I believe all of us parents need more help and support at times. Link on main insta page if you want to join 😊.
If you would like more specific support, then please contact me via phone or email for a consultation either face to face at my clinic in Coorparoo or online.