LOOKING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD ⚡️ A lot can happen in a month.
The past five weeks have felt like five or more lifetimes. I have been feeling pretty quiet in processing most of it but am now inspired to share the key pieces - especially because a few of you have been asking what is going on…. Thank you all so much for caring!
On December 12th, a few days upon resurfacing from an intense personal transition, I was informed my contract as Executive Director of Sun Potion would not be renewed in 2020. As this has been a project that has been the primary focus of the past 8 years of my life (and the entirety of my adult career) this news and its delivery was a shock to my entire system.
On December 31, 2019 I went home to Big Sur for the first time with my Father. We visited the houses I was born and raised in for the first time together since parents divorced at age 5.
On January 12th 2020 I let go of my magical mountain hermitage/home. The decision came from a place of financial necessity as well as divine alignment…. my dear friend Melissa was looking for a place like mine…in fact, she put it on her NY vision board for 2020! I poured so much love into that house, If she had not been available to take it on, I do not know how I would have left!
If anything can illuminate one’s worldly attachments, I daresay it includes being cut off from a consistent source of income, spending time with biological family, and moving - these three things can really show us what is truly important and of value in life. Not to mention, ending intimate relationship(s) that are imbued with love but also co-dependency and dysfunction.
In the past five weeks I have felt extremely heartbroken, betrayed, angry, shocked, confused, worthless, and beyond disoriented…. I have had to re-examine what makes me feel safe and, in many ways, sane.
In this process, I have been blessed by my friends and family. What I may lack in material stability at the moment, I am abundant in love, emotional support and the most inspiring community imaginable. And, my physical health! This is what fundamentally matters to me. *** continued in comment below because I wrote a novel 😬***
Have you ever thought you hit rock bottom but later realised that wasn’t the absolute bottom I (Christina) had a few faux “rock bottoms” before the real bottom. In fact, most of the false alarms could be summed as ‘first world problems’. The real rock bottom for me was driving around in a stunning BMW X5, with the windows always down (firstly because one of the window mechanisms had broken and we couldn’t afford to fix it, and secondly because we couldn’t afford to turn the A/C on because we couldn’t afford to put gas in the tank). Thinking back to this it sounds absolutely INSANE and yes, although there is a temptation to feel shameful about this, here I am telling my truth in all its glory and being honest in a place where saving face is the norm. Thankfully, the one thing the Cayman heat will teach is that you need A/C so you better sort your finances out so you can afford it! And with the help of Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University we did just that. Now I’m grateful for the opportunity to use my experiences to help others do the same. *sighs with relief*