I BLOSSOM •
Today is the day I BLOSSOM
I blossom into the strong confident, beautiful woman that I am. • I blossom in this self acceptance knowing who I am and what I stand for. • I blossom feeling alive, nourished and awake knowing everything that I need is within myself already. • I blossom knowing that this process has taken a lot of time, healing and self care but has all been worth it to blossom into the woman I am, was always meant to be and will continue to be. •
“You’re beautiful because you know your own darkness and still, that alone does not stop you from finding your light.” — RM DRAKE ♥️.
To be soft and hard. That’s been sitting with me this week. I’ve learnt that this was the biggest that I wanted others to see and appreciate about myself. To have only females love the hardness to my strength and resilience. Then to only have males only see and want that softness I had to my heart. For so many years, it was such a struggle of mine. .
I never understood why it and I was so difficult. Why it was so exhausting. Why I felt cooped up. Why I felt like I was caged and had to have a mask on. To the extreme where I clearly forgot about shining my own light, my own will and my own heart and soul. Where I let people convince me that simple was enough. Average is okay. .
It clearly made me miserable, angry, depressed and so many other things I never really wanted to become. But it happened, and for the past year as much as I loved, it was just never enough. And clearly because, I was never truly myself. I didn’t love myself to be myself. How can I have set such an expectation to be in love and offer love This is something I’m choosing to take complete ownership of. .
It took me a while to recognize the strengths in having both traits. The true me. The very core of me that I forgot to live by and radiate for so long. I’m accepting, unconditional and always ready to give others my heart. That’s the beauty in my softness. .
I’m resilient, strong, fierce and passionate. Challenges I face never scare me. I know everything is always for a reason. And still, I practice gratitude no matter what others choose to do. That’s the beauty in my hardness. .
Why have I not seen this beauty in myself for so long Why did I hide of either trait This is such a big part of me! This gives me the ability to love and give compassion to those around me. This is what makes my will so strong. .
In honour of this epiphany, this belief will now forever replace all those times I’ve struggled with “too much” or “difficult”. I know that I AM beautifully soft JUST as much as I AM fiercely hard. It’s really what makes me special. ♥️
I had a dream last night where I stood up for myself to my healthcare provider bc they’d lost my medication & didn’t have it ready by the date they said it’d be & I didn’t have any more to last me through the weekend. And I was NOT about to go through withdrawal symptoms for these meds 🙈
So I asked them if there was anything I or they could do so I wouldn’t be w/out my meds for 2 days & get crazy symptoms, and one lady told me I would just have to come back Monday and pay this ridiculous amount of money for HALF my normal dose.
So this part of the dream was where I started raising my voice, and telling them that I should not have to pay an exorbitant amount to get my medication TWO days later than I should have when it was THEIR incompetence & negligence that caused the problem we were having. The lady went back and forth with me and so I, in all my glory and my best no-nonsense voice, lived out a dream and told her “I need to speak with your manager!” And she just stared at me. I continued with “Or your supervisor, or whoever hired you, or anyone in charge and in a higher position than you.”
And you guys it was great.
It ended up getting resolved and I got my meds by the time the dream ended and I woke up 🙈 but I can’t remember the details haha
Moral of the Story!!!
When I woke up I felt so freaking badass and empowered, and part of me wish this had actually happened.
(In reality I got my meds just fine yesterday with no hassle haha)
But it felt good to (even in a dream) stand up for myself and advocate for myself. I didn’t mess up, they did. So I should not have to pay for their mistakes.
We tend to be people pleasers.
We are incredibly understanding.
And this is not a bad thing.
But bad people can sometimes take advantage of our kindness.
So remember it is O K A Y to stand up for yourself if you think you’re being treated unfairly.
You are enough.
You are worthy.
You are deserving of respect.
And it’s okay to stand up and fight back if you’re not given it.
It’s hard, and I’m still practicing using my voice and fighting for myself, but I’m farther than I was a few years ago.
So try, use your voice.
Even if it trembles, even if it’s soft, use your voice 💜💜