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Meditation can be so intimidating for some because of the preconceived notions of perfectionism attached to the practice. When we think of meditation we often imagine ideas of what emptiness feels like. A complete erasure of the outside world. Silence, solitude and serendipitous serenity. Meditation is thought to be a quiet, uninterrupted journey between one world and another. And sometimes it is. But often meditation is not calming the chaos but rather claiming it. Accepting that your thoughts are not a distraction but a sense of direction. An indicator of what areas of your spirit needs to be feed. You know what they say about closed mouths. Meditation is a release, and there is seldom room for restrictions upon release. You’re allowed to laugh and wonder about the stranger you passed on 34th. You’re allowed to sing and you’re allowed to suffer through pain you perhaps forgot existed. Just know that if you step into the practice then it will welcome you. At every stage, in every world, at any moment in time. So take time learning how to take time and realize that time never needs to be taken. It will always give itself to you.

2019-06-16 23:39

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Meditation can be so intimidating for some because of the preconceived notions of perfectionism attached to the practice. When we think of meditation we often imagine ideas of what emptiness feels like. A complete erasure of the outside world. Silence, solitude and serendipitous serenity. Meditation is thought to be a quiet, uninterrupted journey between one world and another. And sometimes it is. But often meditation is not calming the chaos but rather claiming it. Accepting that your thoughts are not a distraction but a sense of direction. An indicator of what areas of your spirit needs to be feed. You know what they say about closed mouths. Meditation is a release, and there is seldom room for restrictions upon release. You’re allowed to laugh and wonder about the stranger you passed on 34th. You’re allowed to sing and you’re allowed to suffer through pain you perhaps forgot existed. Just know that if you step into the practice then it will welcome you. At every stage, in every world, at any moment in time. So take time learning how to take time and realize that time never needs to be taken. It will always give itself to you.

You should always make an effort to show others your worth, but you should never have to prove it. If you lay your cards on the table and people still doubt your draw, then perhaps their game is not worth playing. It's okay to scratch below the surface, but no relationship is worth the uprooting of flesh. Ground yourself in your own fruitful offerings and only lay roots in soil that promises to replenish. Screaming your worth into the wind never cracks the earth, only the lining of your lungs. Breath blending into an atmosphere that exists without any desire to be acknowledged. You are not anyones invisible life line. The next time someone questions your worth, walk away and watch as they follow behind you. Chasing after a light they can suddenly see when left in the dark.

2019-06-09 23:26

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You should always make an effort to show others your worth, but you should never have to prove it. If you lay your cards on the table and people still doubt your draw, then perhaps their game is not worth playing. It's okay to scratch below the surface, but no relationship is worth the uprooting of flesh. Ground yourself in your own fruitful offerings and only lay roots in soil that promises to replenish. Screaming your worth into the wind never cracks the earth, only the lining of your lungs. Breath blending into an atmosphere that exists without any desire to be acknowledged. You are not anyones invisible life line. The next time someone questions your worth, walk away and watch as they follow behind you. Chasing after a light they can suddenly see when left in the dark.

If I've learned anything from my Sunday with @americaneagle it's that you should never be too quick to run from rain! Sometimes sunny skies will part when the clouds roll in, but water brings reconstruction, recovery and redemption. Things may not always go as planned but they will always serve their purpose. You have to do more than trust the process you have to commit to it! Dive in whole heartedly and trust that the tides will always flow in the right direction. You are not drowning you are developing! Keep moving forward even when forward is on a path that frightens you. Release, reroute and revive! #aexme #ad

2019-06-03 23:31

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If I've learned anything from my Sunday with @americaneagle it's that you should never be too quick to run from rain! Sometimes sunny skies will part when the clouds roll in, but water brings reconstruction, recovery and redemption. Things may not always go as planned but they will always serve their purpose. You have to do more than trust the process you have to commit to it! Dive in whole heartedly and trust that the tides will always flow in the right direction. You are not drowning you are developing! Keep moving forward even when forward is on a path that frightens you. Release, reroute and revive! #aexme #ad

Shopped all day with @americaneagle for my Gov Ball fit!! #aexme #ad Not too long ago I was plotting to delete an account that I believed was sucking out way more than my battery life. I’d been activating and deactivating for months at a time, routinely practicing my escape plan. A way out of a world I felt silenced me into snapshots of simple moments. A world that continued to present me with fears I was not ready to conquer. Until I was. The minute I decided to change my approach to social media, creating content turned into constructive explorations. An opportunity to be silly and solemn in the name of self expression. An invitation to understand the importance of individualized stories in collective communities. It was the allowance of learning to release both with and without reason. The acknowledgment of insecurities and their influence, and an attempt to redesign the infrastructure. What I’m creating is not a blue print, but the etching of stone on concrete. And everything I write will be fossilized and forgotten.

2019-06-03 01:46

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Shopped all day with @americaneagle for my Gov Ball fit!! #aexme #ad Not too long ago I was plotting to delete an account that I believed was sucking out way more than my battery life. I’d been activating and deactivating for months at a time, routinely practicing my escape plan. A way out of a world I felt silenced me into snapshots of simple moments. A world that continued to present me with fears I was not ready to conquer. Until I was. The minute I decided to change my approach to social media, creating content turned into constructive explorations. An opportunity to be silly and solemn in the name of self expression. An invitation to understand the importance of individualized stories in collective communities. It was the allowance of learning to release both with and without reason. The acknowledgment of insecurities and their influence, and an attempt to redesign the infrastructure. What I’m creating is not a blue print, but the etching of stone on concrete. And everything I write will be fossilized and forgotten.

I am exploring myself in all aspects of identity and I don't owe you, or ya momma, an explanation. I'm going to throw myself against the world and bury myself in bad decisions, but I will use my own two hands to crawl back out of the rubble. I will not sit in the shame of others, nor will I sink in their suspicion. I will dance in my disposition, an evolving woman who has figured out that figuring things out is figurative. An open ended question about the qualms of contentment. I am proud to be a persistent pattern of imperfect peculiarity. My highs and low exist on a leveled playing field and I am bouncing between boundaries. Growth becomes limitless when we place limits on the things that limit us. I am more than the mistakes made in the making of metamorphosis. I am the process and the result. I am unfinished and unbothered.

2019-06-01 00:29

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I am exploring myself in all aspects of identity and I don't owe you, or ya momma, an explanation. I'm going to throw myself against the world and bury myself in bad decisions, but I will use my own two hands to crawl back out of the rubble. I will not sit in the shame of others, nor will I sink in their suspicion. I will dance in my disposition, an evolving woman who has figured out that figuring things out is figurative. An open ended question about the qualms of contentment. I am proud to be a persistent pattern of imperfect peculiarity. My highs and low exist on a leveled playing field and I am bouncing between boundaries. Growth becomes limitless when we place limits on the things that limit us. I am more than the mistakes made in the making of metamorphosis. I am the process and the result. I am unfinished and unbothered.

Discomfort does not, and will not, always propel you forward. I think there is something to be said about continuously telling people that they must break before they build. Stop selling people the idea that success is at the expense of living. Sometimes discomfort is not growing pains, it is signal of shrinking. Your body deteriorating faster than you can lower your standards. Your spirit slowing down in search of security. We should not have to struggle in order to strive. Crumble in order to construct. That is not success. Success begins with the succession of self. An acceptance of being, belonging and beginnings. The blurring of lines between triumph and trajectory only leave people running towards a vanishing finish line. A continuous chase of things out of reach.

2019-05-30 00:20

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Discomfort does not, and will not, always propel you forward. I think there is something to be said about continuously telling people that they must break before they build. Stop selling people the idea that success is at the expense of living. Sometimes discomfort is not growing pains, it is signal of shrinking. Your body deteriorating faster than you can lower your standards. Your spirit slowing down in search of security. We should not have to struggle in order to strive. Crumble in order to construct. That is not success. Success begins with the succession of self. An acceptance of being, belonging and beginnings. The blurring of lines between triumph and trajectory only leave people running towards a vanishing finish line. A continuous chase of things out of reach.

There was once a voice that told us not to jump on couches. A voice that told us to follow orders without inquiry. To pick up our toys, and our feet, as we shuffled across homes we did not own. We were warned that the frequency of our voices determined the fervor of the consequences attached to unmonitored expression. Watch your mouth and mind your tongue. Be quiet, but speak up when I’m talking to you. 
There was then a voice that told us to mind our business. To grow but stay out of grown folks territory. Put your head down and hold yourself up when no one else will. We were told to wait for permission. An allowance to enter the bodies we grew into. But at least we had somewhere to lay our heads, right? A bed that stored bitten tongues beneath its pillows, and soaked up truths screamed into its mattress. 
Soon the voice begins to feel familiar. You answer questions with “I don’t know” because ignorance is tied to staying in your place. But you are grown folk now and the business is laid out for you to see. And all you see is scared children whose legs have stretched further than their imagination. Children who have been told to stop jumping one to many times and now stand still in solace. A perennial time out in which they sit alone and imagine the fun they used to have when they weren’t afraid to break the rules.

2019-05-25 00:32

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There was once a voice that told us not to jump on couches. A voice that told us to follow orders without inquiry. To pick up our toys, and our feet, as we shuffled across homes we did not own. We were warned that the frequency of our voices determined the fervor of the consequences attached to unmonitored expression. Watch your mouth and mind your tongue. Be quiet, but speak up when I’m talking to you. There was then a voice that told us to mind our business. To grow but stay out of grown folks territory. Put your head down and hold yourself up when no one else will. We were told to wait for permission. An allowance to enter the bodies we grew into. But at least we had somewhere to lay our heads, right A bed that stored bitten tongues beneath its pillows, and soaked up truths screamed into its mattress. Soon the voice begins to feel familiar. You answer questions with “I don’t know” because ignorance is tied to staying in your place. But you are grown folk now and the business is laid out for you to see. And all you see is scared children whose legs have stretched further than their imagination. Children who have been told to stop jumping one to many times and now stand still in solace. A perennial time out in which they sit alone and imagine the fun they used to have when they weren’t afraid to break the rules.

I always try to keep it honest with you all so believe me when I tell you I have no idea what I’m doing. So many of my ideas have completely flopped during the editing process bc I’m figuring things out as I go. I’m okay with that. Especially since there was a time when I wouldn’t even open my laptop out of frustration from not having all of the answers. This is not to say that I no longer get upset when I fail at executing because that wouldn’t be true. I still walk away with my arms crossed when things don’t go as planned, the only difference now is that I eventually walk back! Sometimes still crying, pouting and cursing at myself but I move forward in my mistakes. There’s been so many times when I’ve created something and absolutely hated it. Tbh I’m not exactly raving over this video, but I’ve convinced myself that putting out something flawed is more honest than hiding behind perfection. When I was young, an older woman warned me about rough housing with boys. She told me I’d be embarrassed of the scars collecting on my legs. But it is through showing your scars that others can learn that healing is possible.

2019-05-23 00:42

1031 54

 

I always try to keep it honest with you all so believe me when I tell you I have no idea what I’m doing. So many of my ideas have completely flopped during the editing process bc I’m figuring things out as I go. I’m okay with that. Especially since there was a time when I wouldn’t even open my laptop out of frustration from not having all of the answers. This is not to say that I no longer get upset when I fail at executing because that wouldn’t be true. I still walk away with my arms crossed when things don’t go as planned, the only difference now is that I eventually walk back! Sometimes still crying, pouting and cursing at myself but I move forward in my mistakes. There’s been so many times when I’ve created something and absolutely hated it. Tbh I’m not exactly raving over this video, but I’ve convinced myself that putting out something flawed is more honest than hiding behind perfection. When I was young, an older woman warned me about rough housing with boys. She told me I’d be embarrassed of the scars collecting on my legs. But it is through showing your scars that others can learn that healing is possible.

There are days when I want to shut off my emotions, to feel nothing but the softness of my exhale. Days when I want to hide inside the quiet places of a noisy city and watch walkers from the window. Assign my struggles to strangers in order to validate their existence. But also to shake them out of my skin. Nothing more humbling than to think of worlds that exist without you. Stories in which you play no part in, except for brief cameos such as “girl in cafe window” or “woman on the J train”. No better place to hide from yourself than in a city filled with extras. .
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.
.
(A stranger took this picture of me when I treated myself to a walk across the Brooklyn bridge. I wonder if he thought about the world I live in. About the things that make me cry, or how happy I feel dancing on subway platforms. Maybe not, but I’m thankful for his guest appearance. A part of my story exists bc of him.)

2019-05-21 01:26

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There are days when I want to shut off my emotions, to feel nothing but the softness of my exhale. Days when I want to hide inside the quiet places of a noisy city and watch walkers from the window. Assign my struggles to strangers in order to validate their existence. But also to shake them out of my skin. Nothing more humbling than to think of worlds that exist without you. Stories in which you play no part in, except for brief cameos such as “girl in cafe window” or “woman on the J train”. No better place to hide from yourself than in a city filled with extras. . . . . (A stranger took this picture of me when I treated myself to a walk across the Brooklyn bridge. I wonder if he thought about the world I live in. About the things that make me cry, or how happy I feel dancing on subway platforms. Maybe not, but I’m thankful for his guest appearance. A part of my story exists bc of him.)

Last night a man called me a tease because I refused to dance with him. Told me I was cake on a shelf that wasn’t for sale. A hundred dollars glued to the ground, impossible to pick up. Well, Sir, if the only way you make money is by forcefully scraping it up from the pavement, then perhaps it is not my fault that you are broke. My body is not your ground to walk on. There are no pot holes to fill, no lose change for you to grab. My hips are water, not concrete. And you knew that, which is why you approached me with an empty cup, but it is not my responsibility to quench your thirst. There is tap water at the bar and rain water in the drains. Both free and don’t require my attention. I figure you’re familiar with the drains, right? All that time spent peeling money off the sidewalk. All that time spent chasing after things that are running away. I don’t have to stand still for you. I don’t have to dance for you either.

For years I was ashamed of the bend of my back, the switch of my hips, and the roll of my waist. So afraid to be revealed that I let my water turn to ice, and scoffed at those who were foolish enough to melt in front of others. A glacier that hid beneath the surface until I realized that you cannot freeze an ocean. You cannot tame one either. So don’t approach me with your respectability politics, or your dry ass tongue, asking me to evaporate for your comfort. My hips are water. They make waves in every room they enter, but unless I crash upon your shore, don’t swim in my direction.

2019-05-17 22:17

1444 120

 

Last night a man called me a tease because I refused to dance with him. Told me I was cake on a shelf that wasn’t for sale. A hundred dollars glued to the ground, impossible to pick up. Well, Sir, if the only way you make money is by forcefully scraping it up from the pavement, then perhaps it is not my fault that you are broke. My body is not your ground to walk on. There are no pot holes to fill, no lose change for you to grab. My hips are water, not concrete. And you knew that, which is why you approached me with an empty cup, but it is not my responsibility to quench your thirst. There is tap water at the bar and rain water in the drains. Both free and don’t require my attention. I figure you’re familiar with the drains, right All that time spent peeling money off the sidewalk. All that time spent chasing after things that are running away. I don’t have to stand still for you. I don’t have to dance for you either. For years I was ashamed of the bend of my back, the switch of my hips, and the roll of my waist. So afraid to be revealed that I let my water turn to ice, and scoffed at those who were foolish enough to melt in front of others. A glacier that hid beneath the surface until I realized that you cannot freeze an ocean. You cannot tame one either. So don’t approach me with your respectability politics, or your dry ass tongue, asking me to evaporate for your comfort. My hips are water. They make waves in every room they enter, but unless I crash upon your shore, don’t swim in my direction.

At 3 years old, my nephew understand the value of recognition. Upon learning new skills his eyes light up as he demonstrates his artistry to audiences. He knows he will be celebrated by people whom he loves, and that is enough for him to work towards new goals. Whether it be putting on his own shoes, or reading a page out of his favorite book, he jumps at any opportunity to say: “I did it!” And while it is wonderful to watch my nephew turn to loved ones to applaud his unbounded potential, what truly amazes me is when he begins to clap on his own. Repeating the same tricks and celebrating the duplication of success. Congratulating himself before welcoming others to join his self appreciation party. He yells “yay” at the smalls things bc he knows the world is bigger than him. He knows to celebrate what he can control and leave the rest to faith. The things he cannot control often still turn out alright. He cannot cook, yet he always receives a meal. Cannot reach yet is still rewarded for extending his arm. And with each extension he comes closer to the knowledge that recognition is the product of several attempts. Each attempt important and worth applause! So he puts his hands together for the little victories and continues to color outside of the lines. .
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Perhaps I should take notes.

2019-05-16 00:02

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At 3 years old, my nephew understand the value of recognition. Upon learning new skills his eyes light up as he demonstrates his artistry to audiences. He knows he will be celebrated by people whom he loves, and that is enough for him to work towards new goals. Whether it be putting on his own shoes, or reading a page out of his favorite book, he jumps at any opportunity to say: “I did it!” And while it is wonderful to watch my nephew turn to loved ones to applaud his unbounded potential, what truly amazes me is when he begins to clap on his own. Repeating the same tricks and celebrating the duplication of success. Congratulating himself before welcoming others to join his self appreciation party. He yells “yay” at the smalls things bc he knows the world is bigger than him. He knows to celebrate what he can control and leave the rest to faith. The things he cannot control often still turn out alright. He cannot cook, yet he always receives a meal. Cannot reach yet is still rewarded for extending his arm. And with each extension he comes closer to the knowledge that recognition is the product of several attempts. Each attempt important and worth applause! So he puts his hands together for the little victories and continues to color outside of the lines. . . . Perhaps I should take notes.

Been thinking about gossip as a continuous transformation of energy. A surge that loops and loops until it short circuits. A fire lit inside the stomach, sending smoke out through the mouth. Created by the friction of two souls at at an impasse, both barricaded by truths disguised as facts. The rubbing of ideas without bend or embrace. With motives that are often driven by a desire for community and comfort, it is the immediate release of uncertainty. I’ve been looking for the good in others in order to find it in myself. Hoping explanations will ultimately lead me to understanding, and understanding will lead me to peace. Perhaps not, but in the meanwhile I’ll continue to inquire. Maybe making sense of malice will lead to benevolence and bounty. I do not wish to carry others discomfort, so I’ll release it with my own in the name of sanctuary; a search for solace and security in which we are all guilty.

2019-05-13 23:01

655 37

 

Been thinking about gossip as a continuous transformation of energy. A surge that loops and loops until it short circuits. A fire lit inside the stomach, sending smoke out through the mouth. Created by the friction of two souls at at an impasse, both barricaded by truths disguised as facts. The rubbing of ideas without bend or embrace. With motives that are often driven by a desire for community and comfort, it is the immediate release of uncertainty. I’ve been looking for the good in others in order to find it in myself. Hoping explanations will ultimately lead me to understanding, and understanding will lead me to peace. Perhaps not, but in the meanwhile I’ll continue to inquire. Maybe making sense of malice will lead to benevolence and bounty. I do not wish to carry others discomfort, so I’ll release it with my own in the name of sanctuary; a search for solace and security in which we are all guilty.

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