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by @editaurial 19854 days ago via Instagram

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Two weeks ago I got an aura portrait taken of me, followed by a reading that brought me to tears. And maybe aura readings are all woo woo, or maybe they are truth. Either way it was what I needed to hear in that moment, and the words made their way to me in the form of colors on a Polaroid. As I sat in a small black tent I immediately became nervous about the picture. Not in fear of the results, but anxious about the simple gesture of taking my glasses off. I’ve always been uncomfortable bare faced around strangers, a side effect of being bullied as a child. Fear crept up my conscious as the photo developed, ready to attach shame to my silhouette. Waiting to see a picture sometimes feels like waiting for news. You want it too be good, but something deep inside has convinced you it will be devastating. A tangible reminder of your flaws. When I turned the photo over my stomach dropped but only because I felt beautiful. A feeling of appreciation for myself that didn’t have to be forced. Brought to me by an image taken by a stranger in a little black tent. And since then I’ve continued to share my bare face with the world unapologetically.

I knew New York was home when home no longer felt like a place, but rather an invitation to expand. A journey that is never about the destination, only strangers on a subway cart and the finesse of a free ride. A thousand worlds existing on the same track for moments only long enough to offer up a seat. It was the realization that I run from rain but stop to watch children play in open hydrants. Beginning to wonder when I developed a fear of getting wet. When I developed a fear of being young. Developed a fear of being. Home became the gathering of loved ones with nothing to offer but everything they came with and everything they wish they could have left behind. The search for a tribe within a crowd of tribes that all are searching for comfort. Searching for enough space to stretch out a hand, but not so much that is out of reach for someone else to grab ahold of. It is the warmth of a smile you know you’ll never see again. The soundtrack of lives that move through wooden beams and potted plants on a fire escape; the practical use of potential escape. New York became home when home had no boundaries. No limitations as to where I could discover love. A scavenger hunt for truth and unconditional acceptance. Pieces of peace scattered amongst street lights that shine over the confessions of concrete. The uprooting of solid ground. The stability of change in a city that feels like the world. .. #BREAKNYFW #BREAKNYFWCAST

I’m sharing this video with y’all because I hated it. After spending the time to put together what I thought would be a fun fashion video, I began to notice all of the little mistakes I made along the way. Suddenly, not only did I hate the editing, but I hated my outfit choices as well. Then I hated the way my ears poked out in front of my hair. I picked apart my smile and the styling of my braids. And why wouldn’t I get rid of the PJ mask tattoo my nephew gave me? The longer I watched the more I pulled apart something I took the time to put together. Turning a creative outlet into a portal for pessimism. Ignoring my own efforts and diminished them down to a flawed attempt. Why does this destructive outlook show itself when it comes to social media? Especially when we know that perfection is not only subjective but also unnecessary! Often, in attempt to break through that mindset I share things that I don’t think are great. So here’s a video that hopefully will remind people (myself included) that you’re free to post whatever the hell you want, flaws and all!

Why worry about my armpit hair when you could worry about your life and your career! I can guarantee you that being stressed over the way in which someone presents themselves will only leave you standing in the same spot while world continues to turn.A lot of y’all put pressure on others to adapt to the normalized ideas that you were introduced to before you could even form the words to suggest something different. Wringing your hands in attempt to force people out of their own flesh, not realizing that you are squeezing yourself into tighter confinements. Pulling the lever on a machine you’re not in control of, in the hopes of one day tasting the pulp you were promised. But the juice doesn’t go to you, sis. It goes to me. Because while you’re busy being pressed over my existence, I’m busy existing. Filling my cup with gratitude for the strength to be authentically myself. And I won’t let anyone bully me into rotting on a shelf. Hate to break it to you but you are the lemon. I’m the lemonade. Enjoy! ☺️🍋💕.... #bodypositivemoment #bodypositive #bodyposi #mindyourbusiness #worryaboutyourself

I’ve been listening to a lot of Oprah’s Supersoul sessions lately, and I wanted to share a quote that I believe is truly shifting my perspective on success. In the episode titled, The Humble Journey to Greatness, author Cheryl Strayed says that at some point in her life she had to come to terms with her own mediocrity. Upon doing so, she no longer allowed her own high expectations to bring her to low points. She embraced the skills she already possessed and moved forward in her purpose doing so. She stopped letting her dreams ruin her life. This resonated with me so much I wanted to share it. So many of us create ideals in our heads that feel unobtainable, then spend our days crying over a bar that’s too high to reach. We set the bar. We can adjust it as well. If your purpose is to write, then your purpose it not to be the Beyoncé of writers. Your purpose is to write. That’s it. If you can accept that and write only for the sake of fulfilling your purpose then the universe will open up to you. You will never outrun the energy that guides you. There’s no need to cry out for things that would simply be handed to you the moment you realized that you are already worthy.

You don’t need to be fashionable in order to express your sense of style! Fashion is a material attachment to ego. It is the reason why we care about labels and idealized beauty standards. It is trending topics and who wore it best. A categorization of status through pieces of fabric. Style, however, is the expression of soul. The communication of oneself through color and crop tops. Often times people think it’s your outfit that speaks for you when one enters the room. But what you feel is the aura that seeps through shoelaces in search of release. I will always encourage people to take up space through style. Wear the pieces that you’re drawn to even if you don’t think it “works” for you. Don’t get caught up in the myth of dressing for “success”, dress for your spirit. Throw some glitter on your skin and watch as you soul sparkles in the sun.

This weekend was more than attendance at music festival for me. It was the opportunity to connect with people outside of who I’m familiar with. It also allowed me to reflect on the growth I’ve experienced as a creative over the last year. Collaboration used to be a word that sent me spiraling into sadness bc I never thought my work was good enough to pair with someone else. I never thought others would see the value in partnering with me. Today I am unlearning the doubt that I’ve internalized for so long. Thank you @americaneagle for recognizing the value in my expression, and introducing me to the journey of so many other creatives. This was the experience of a lifetime. There is truly no place I would’ve rather spent my time at @lollapalooza then at the AE side stage and lounge! #aexme #ad

I changed my alarm sound to Beyoncé’s version of Before I Let Go and let me tell y’all something! Waking up in the morning has never been so enjoyable. By the time the beat kicks in I am up and out of bed, swinging my imaginary 30 inch blonde ponytail. I’ve always struggled with breaking through my sleep cycle. Hitting snooze until I literally have 15 minutes before I need to leave my apartment. But who can hit snooze on Beyoncé, honey? Not this girl! I’m sharing this because I managed to turn the worst part of my morning into the best by centering something that I love: dancing! I’m now wondering how can I apply this process to other parts of my life. There are always going to be situations that are difficult or tiresome, but perhaps, if I introduce my own source of joy, I can transform that experience into something worth waking up for.

For as long as I can remember I've been pretty indecisive, never trusting myself enough to make "the right" decision. Sometimes, at restaurants, I ask waiters to surprise me with my meal. That way I'm not placed with the burden of choosing between french toast and pancakes. It sounds crazy, I know. Maybe even a little bit over the top, but that's currently my lived reality. Making decisions is hard. Thinking about making decisions is even harder. Especially considering I've developed a habit of catastrophizing, meaning I can create disasters out any situation. My thought process typically goes something like this: "I'm hungry." "I should eat.""But what should I eat?" "French toast?""But that's not really healthy." "I'm not healthy.""I need to take better care of my body." "Maybe I shouldn't eat now." "Maybe it's too early." "But if I wait it will be too late." "I could make something at home." "But that would waste time and time is valuable." "I waste too much time." "I'm not successful because I waste time." "Maybe I should just order out..." "But that will cost money." "If I spend money it will not return and I will suffer." "I'll never be financially stable." "Maybe I'll be homeless.""Maybe I just won't eat." "I have to eat." "If I would have made french toast an hour ago I could've avoided all of this." "I need to be better at managing my time." "I need to be better." If you can't relate, then perhaps you can imagine just how exhausting this mindset can be. But I read awhile ago, a message from @gazellemonet , that said "anxiety is the misdirection of imagination" and never before had I considered this approach. To view anxiety as an extension of my imagination, rather than a constant construction of fear has allowed me to reclaim my power. I am not woeful, I simply have a wild imagination. And if I create disaster with my mind then I can also create synchronization. I can create a world where everything works out. I can create time. I can create a rationalized reality. The power of the mind is often unexplainable and sometimes it takes catastrophe to cause you to reconstruct.

I've been asking myself questions about authenticity on social media, as I truly believe it is the best route to forming a healthier relationship with it. Most of these questions are centered around my position and methods of expression. Ideally I would like to create a space that genuinely feels like an extension of who I am. A space in which I am free to present ideas, emotions and images that resonate with my spirit at the moment. I want to be able to make mistakes that will push me in the direction of personal development, but I also want to feel safe along the way. Ultimately this means that I will have to create boundaries that protect my energy without limiting my creativity. I don't know what some of those boundaries are yet, but I suppose I'll learn along the way. I've found joy in expressing on this platform and I only hope to elaborate that feeling through further self exploration. ....What does authenticity on social media look like to you?

Why do we chose the "perfect picture" for instagram? A camera roll filled with prospective images and yet we only choose one. As if an experience can be cropped into a single pose and a correlating emoji. Lately I've been compelled to share multiple edits from my photoshoots, simply because I like them. There was a time where I would question whether or not it was appropriate to share so much. Now, I believe it is not only appropriate but necessary. There are occasions in which you shouldn’t have to eliminate your options in the name of modesty. Take for example, Antoinette Love, a young high school student who was recently accepted to 115 Universities only to receive push back for “overachieving”. We have to stop shrinking ourselves in the name of humility. Stay true to your size and watch as people expand for you.

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